Pre-weight loss adventure 1:
I was driving to a booksigning when Jerry called from the Life Force International Conference. He told me the company is releasing a new product in a couple of months and is looking for a BETA group to track so they can share results when the product releases. I sensed that this was the answer to the prayer I’ve prayed for a couple of years now, “Lord, please help me to know what to do about my weight. I don’t have the courage to tackle this issue, but I know I need to.” I’m so excited! But . . . I hate the facebook picture barrage that always comes after. I mean I’m glad my friends love me and take my picture and tag me, but it is hard on the ego to see pictures posted in such a public forum that show how heavy I am. I’m starting to call them the fat Paula facebook pictures.
Pre-weight loss adventure 2:
Today was incredibly hard. Life Force needed a picture designed to show my bulges instead of hide them. I put on some make-up and fixed my hair, but still felt so ugly and exposed. Can I really do this? Can I really have a picture out there of how bad I look right now? I feel stripped and weepy. It was really hard to put down my weight, too. How did I let this happen??
Pre-weight loss adventure 3:
I can’t believe it. I wasn’t chosen for the BETA group. I really thought God promised this to me. After the June 5th car accident I pretty much completely shut down. Once I surrendered to the process (i.e. quit trying to work when my whole being was shutting down), He began to bring resources to me. The chiropractor found a technique that reduced my dizziness and the feeling of my head swelling and bursting by at least half. I found a doctor who specifically treats trauma victims. I started going to a counselor. So much good, physically, emotionally, and spiritually is happening. I was just sure I’d be chosen for this weight loss program. It would be the final piece to truly getting well—to coming back better than I was when that car pulled out in front of me.
I’m so confused. God??
Pre-weight loss adventure 4:
Why do I doubt? Oh me of little faith. Someone dropped out of the BETA test group, and Life Force replaced her with ME! Wow. This is big. I can’t wait!!
Day 1 – Wednesday (October 24, 2012)
One minute I’m excited, the next I want to burst into tears. I’ll be 47 this month, and this is the first time I’ve been brave enough to take charge of my weight. Starting this journey at—oh this is embarrassing—210 lbs.
I really believe BeNew is the answer I’ve been praying for—I love the focus on nutrition and the support of the BETA group’s secret page. I’m excited about the metabolism booster, the cleanse, the carbohydrate blocker, and the deep nutrition and organic base of the one meal replacement I’ll do each day.
But it’s also scary, totally outside my experience. I fear failure and feel overwhelmed by paying attention to what I put into my mouth. I’ve never counted calories and have no idea what each bite holds. Jerry helped me get some on-line resources to track the caloric intake of what I’m eating. That helps, but it really is like being flung into a whole new universe, this thinking about calories!
I thought about admitting how scared and even emotional I am to the BETA group, but they are Jerry’s peers, the company he’s chosen to make his next career since things crashed with his business of the last 8 years. But I don’t want to be perceived as a whiney wife. Everyone else is being so positive, excited about the products and the experience. I’ll just keep my fears to myself and Jerry.
As to physical effects, I’ve felt a little bit of heart pounding. I think I’ll cut out my coffee tomorrow. With the metabolism booster I probably shouldn’t have the caffeine. And since I like my coffee with cream, that cuts 50 calories!
I was really hungry by the evening meal. Supper was healthy, and I didn’t feel deprived even though I kept within healthy calorie intake. Yeah!
I studied the suggested exercise routine, but I know I can’t do it. My neck and back still hurt too much from the car accidents. Anything jarring, like butt kicks, is too much. I’m going to be more consistent with the stretches my physical therapist gave me after my first accident and add walking back into my life. Didn’t walk today, but just the food changes overwhelmed me, so I’ll tackle the next change tomorrow.
Oh, and the first week of the diet we do a cleanse. It’s full of healthy stuff. It doesn’t taste bad, but it is green and kind-a weird, and not how I want to end my food day, lol. But I’ll do it . . .