I’m beginning to feel thinner.
I wonder if others see it.
Jerry does. He says my friend, Kathleen, will notice it when I see her tomorrow. (I’m going on an all-expense paid vacation with my bestest friend from college. God does do amazing things!)I don’t think Kathleen will see a difference, but that’s okay.
I made a huge meal for the boys since I’m leaving town. Cooked double for extra for them while I’m gone. Tried not to eat double, though. The food was heavy, not stuff I cook often, but great for left-overs–fried chicken, mashed potatoes, and cornbread. I’m sure the BENew secret group would disapprove, but . . .
I stayed in calorie count even though I didn’t exercise. It’s hard with that kind of food. I ate small portions, and did, honestly, still feel hungry.
I’m trying to figure out how transparent to be as I record this stuff. I think it will eventually become a blog. Should it be about total transformation, not just weight loss, or should I stick to the physical?
Well, here’s a tidbit, if I’m to be open. Today I hid and cried for a long time. I desperately need this vacation. I’m fighting hard for my healing—the chiropractor, the trauma doctor, my counselor, my prayer group, this diet, trying to learn to move again.
But sometimes I still feel hopeless. Hopeless about getting truly well, hopeless about losing all the weight I want to lose, hopeless about other struggles. Tired of dieting, even though I’ve only begun.
Tired of . . . just . . . TIRED.
Real Time Update:
Okay . . . I still feel tired sometimes, especially when real life hits hard again. But I’m finding that long walks help my mood. So does healthier food. (And throwing in a big helping of salad when I’m surrounded by heavy food helps me not be so hungry, as does my BeFull shake.) I also do a lot of talking at God. (When I calm down, I actually talk to and with Him, but sometimes I’m like Lucy in Charlie Brown, “Wah, Wah, Wah . . .”)
I’m glad I didn’t let the wall I hit make me give up on the day I wrote the above. I was on the cusp of some wonderful new things–of rest, refreshment, and growth. (So tune in for the next few weeks, folks.)
How About You?
What kinds of things throw you in a tailspin? Do the hard times trigger you and make you want to grab food? How do you fight back?