Monthly Archives: January 2013

Weight Loss Journey Day 10

The Early Weight Loss Journey January 10, 2013 Comments: 2
booksigning with Kathy and Mary 11-2-12 - Copy (2)

No, Paula, no. Don’t tuck your shirt in yet! (This was a booksigning for Postmark: Christmas. The other two authors are Mary Davis and Kathy Kovach.)

Had a booksigning tonight. Had to eat out while traveling. We went to Panda Express. Instead of my favorite dish there (orange chicken), I chose Mandarin chicken because it wasn’t breaded or fried and could be purchased without the sauce. (YES, I KNOW there are other dishes full of vegetables and less calories and greater nutrition, but just because I’m on a diet doesn’t mean I’ve learned to like veggies!!!) I could tell I was a little smaller, but the pictures posted to facebook didn’t show it. Ugh. Tired of fat Paula pictures on facebook—and while I screen out the worst when I post myself, other people post awful pictures all the time!

Weight loss 12-29-12

Getting there. Finally a picture posted to fb that didn’t embarrass me. Taken 12-29-12 (The book is Joy Dance, by my friend Robbie Iobst. Wonderful devotional!)

Real Time Update:

Yes, that awful first shot of me in my sticky post at the top of my blog–the sequence of three–is the picture taken this day, the second of November. I hadn’t been tucking in my shirt for years, but for some reason just the few pounds I had lost made me do it on this day. As is shown in the picture, it was still NOT a good choice, but I’m comforted now because it was part of the journey. I look very different than I did that day . . . I can lose weight–and so can you. I’m down not quite 30 pounds. Would love to drop at least 20 more before I buy my mother-of-the bride dress this spring.

How About You?

Made a bad fashion choice and had it blasted all over fb? Or, on the positive, how have you adjusted eating out to better meet your goals? Do you have a date set for meeting a certain weight loss goal?

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Weight Loss Journey Day 9

Uncategorized January 9, 2013 Comments: 6

I tried to be good until my birthday dinner, which our dear neighbor, Bernice, treats the whole family to each year.

salsa

My birthday dinner weakness

I hit 750 calories for breakfast and lunch. Could have done better, but it was also pretty healthy—like walnuts that have a fair amount of calories, but are super healthy.

Then I went to dinner. I refused to count calories at my birthday dinner, but I did do a few things right. I drank water instead of my favorite Mexican restaurant treat—Horchata. When the waitress learned it was my birthday and brought me a dessert afterwards, I had a bite or two, then passed it around the table instead of eating it. I brought some of my meal home for another day. But I had NO self-control when it came to chips and salsa.

I have no idea of my calorie intake, and I don’t want to know!!

Real Time Update:

I’m learning that special events here and there really don’t affect my weight loss journey if I’m just reasonable with my eating and keep walking and counting calories the rest of the week. Believe it or not I lost weight Christmas week, while I ate my oh-so-yummy homemade pecan pie. Still, a couple of things help me at parties. Sometimes I eat something healthy (like a salad or my shake) before the event so I’m not starving. I don’t have no-no foods that make me feel deprived, but I’m intentional about taking small portions of things I know to be unhealthy and/or high in calories. And I usually avoid extra calories through fancy drinks or soda. Once in a while I splurge  here, but it’s an intentional choice.

How About You?

How do you handle eating at special events?

Weight Loss Journey Day 8

The Early Weight Loss Journey January 8, 2013 Comments: 6
favorite salad

My favorite salad so far: lettuce, pecans, pomegranate, and blueberries

Wednesdays are super hard. I’m gone over lunch, and my shake doesn’t really satisfy me. Then Wed. afternoon is when the discount place I shop is open. They have good prices on some really healthy foods, but oh! The temptation!! They also have snacks SO cheap. I often buy granola bars and protein bars for the kids to snack on. Do you know how many calories those things have??? And other unhealthy, high calorie choices cost almost nothing. UGH. So I’m hungry ‘cause I’m running around instead of relaxing and being intentional about my lunch. Then there’s all this temptation—and junk looks better than ever. Unfortunately, I did have some junk.

I’m disappointed to have eaten almost 1500 calories today, especially since many were bad for me and didn’t satisfy. I guess I should remember that this is still a significant improvement over what I used to do, but . . .

I did eat salad later. Do you think I’ll ever actually LIKE salad????

Real Time Update:

Here are some things I’ve learned since I wrote this last October. 1) Adding 1/4 cup of rolled oats and a cup of frozen fruit to my shake fills me up, as well as making it a treat. (I also think adjusting to lower portions has made the shake more satisfying because my body is used to less.) 2) I still don’t like most raw vegetables. I know, it’s awful and unhealthy. But it is what it is. Sometimes I actually crave salad now, though, when I add fruits or grilled chicken. My favorite so far has been lettuce with pomegranates, blueberries, and a few pecans.

How About You?

Have you found a way to add in a healthier choice you didn’t used to enjoy? How about being satisfied with smaller portions. How do you handle that?

Weight Loss Journey Day 7

The Early Weight Loss Journey January 7, 2013 Comments: 4
IMAG0150-1

Balsamic chicken over rice from Life Force‘s Meal plan recipes. Yum!

Tried the Balsamic Chicken from Life Force’s meal guide. It was SO good. Keeping the angel hair pasta portions small doesn’t rack up many calories. But this recipe also works with brown rice. I’ll serve it both ways . . .

Glad to be done with the cleanse. It doesn’t smell or taste bad. It’s just drinking green gunk at the end of my eating day . . . and there was that whole bloating, cramping, crying thing. lol

Yesterday was my birthday, but we didn’t do anything special, so it wasn’t hard to think about food. I’ll worry about that later this week when we go out with my neighbor for my annual birthday dinner.

It’s hard to believe I’ve been at this for a week now! At first it was overwhelming to think about what was going in my mouth. I wrote everything in a journal. I drove Jerry crazy asking, “how many ounces in this portion?” But once I got into the routine of paying attention, it wasn’t so hard.

Oh, and I’ve discovered My Fitness Pal. I put it on my phone. It makes it so much easier to track calories! It separates out nutrition, stores daily data, and even gives me daily and weekly averages. I love that it has a search engine connected to the tracking device, so I can just Google foods to learn how many calories they have, and it will put it directly into my log. AND if the food came packaged, I can just hover over the UPC code, click, and I have all the nutrition and calorie information imputed immediately!

Now that I’m more comfortable thinking about what to eat and how much (not that I’m done learning, but I no longer burst into tears at the thought), I want to get serious about walking most every day. There are many exercises I can’t do yet as I heal from the whiplash and other issues related to the accident. But I can walk. I walk slowly. I breathe hard even at that, especially up the hill by our house. I am so out of shape. But if I don’t what I can’t, if I don’t push so hard I feel unsuccessful or hate the experience, I can do this.

Real Time Update:

This post was originally written October 30th. Since then I find it much easier to eat responsibly. I still use the My Fitness Pal App and love it! I also have gone from walking short distances slowly to walking at least 3 miles most days–AND running part of the distance. As I started to become more active and continued to heal from my car accidents, I did the stretches given to me by my physical therapist, Ann. I’m much better now and have added in a few tummy exercises, like crunches 3-4 times a week.

How About You?

If you’re new to the journey, what are you struggling with today? What is your success? If you’ve been at it awhile, what helps you succeed?

Weight Loss Journey Day 5

The Early Weight Loss Journey January 5, 2013 Leave a comment

IMAG0326 (2)Time to ask questions and admit the struggle! Awoke to more cramping and bloating from the cleanse. I posted to the secret beta group about the stomach issues. Thankfully, I’m not the only one struggling! I laughed out loud at one comment I got, “It will pass. Literally.” It was encouraging not to feel alone and to know that this is one of those short-term pain for long-term gain situations. Everyone emphasized keeping up with the water intake and healthy foods. (I think the pizza last night made everything worse, but no way am I admitting on that forum that I had pizza!) They also emphasized that getting exercise in will help with the digestive issues. Some people in the BETA group are saying their jeans are fitting looser. I’m just craving my sweats because my stomach is so sore!

Had my shake and lots of water in the morning, but the stomach issues continued. Had an apple, then a healthy lunch and while my stomach still gurgled, it didn’t hurt as much with a little more food in it. A couple of the ladies said they even got a bit nauseous. Thankfully, I just mostly feel bloated now.

I called my sister-in-law, who is seeing a nutritionist and has done multiple cleanses. She says the first is usually the worst by far, that I need to not let the calories dip too low or it might make things worse, and that often people pass parasites in a first cleanse. There also seems to be a balance in the fresh fruits and veggies arena. The people on-line said to be sure I’m eating them. She says she can eat too much fiber and exacerbate the problem. I wish I’d asked her if she’s had emotional side effects. I was excited when she approved of the ingredients in BePure. She is so into all this nutrition stuff, and it felt good to have her approval.

Have a light headache today. Don’t know if it is toxin release, which I think is probable, or just more issues from the whiplash from the accidents I was in.

Ready to be renewed, inside and out. As Life Force and the chiropractor help me deal with my body, I’m getting good support for my mind, spirit, and emotions through a prayer group of fellow writers. I was also offered counseling through an acquaintance of mine who has trained in stuff like PTSD and was watching me struggle after the second car wreck, and have been getting treatments for trauma from a guy who specializes in fight or flight. Interesting how God is bringing all these resources to me at once. I feel like I’m getting an inside-out makeover: from heart and spirit to weight and skeleton! I’m open wide, Lord. Wanting positive change on all fronts!

(later) someone just posted to the BETA group that when we lose fat it releases emotions. And someone else connected emotions to the cleanse. Decided to Google it and do a little research. According to Natural News, “you can remove stored negative emotions with deep body cleansing.” The article continued, “Most people don`t know it, but emotions can become trapped in the body. It`s the negative emotions that become trapped, and the reason they become trapped is generally because we didn`t know how to deal with them appropriately when they originally occurred. The consequence is that those stuck emotions then negatively affect us long past their due. However, with deep cleansing you can release and remove old, trapped negative emotions and end the cycle of being triggered by them.”

Wow! I’m reminded of that Scripture that says we are fearfully and wonderfully made. It’s amazing to see how what has gone on in my heart, mind, and emotions can be so connected to my body! Thank you, Lord, for yesterday’s tears, for this cleanse, for purifying me inside and out.

I find it interesting that yesterday’s crying binge began while I did my fight or flight therapy. I’d already had some trauma release with this therapy, but the cleanse seems to be working together with the therapy. I’ve felt no need to cry today, even during the fight or flight therapy. Yay! I think yesterday’s emotional purge was good for me, though.

Happy news of the day: Jerry and I walked together again. I went farther than I have since the June 5th car accident! AND I ate LESS than 1200 calories today and didn’t feel deprived!

Weight Loss Journey Day Four

The Early Weight Loss Journey January 4, 2013 Leave a comment

Having a little trouble falling to sleep at night. Awoke very sluggish. Headed right for the coffee pot. Thought I’d try a heartier breakfast (whole wheat pancake with a little granola in it and a small meat patty) to see if I felt better in the afternoon slump.

Felt good at first, but the day turned dreary. I ended up hiding out in my bedroom and having a good cry. Someone hinted on the BETA group that cleanses can make you emotional. BePure is said to be a more gentle cleanse, and thankfully I wasn’t asked to fast. But I wish they’d talked more about what a cleanse is like because I’ve never done one before. Today felt almost like I was PMSing, but I checked the calendar, and it’s not that time of the month. I’m hoping the tears are just a release of toxins the BePure is attacking.

Thank God I had my shake for lunch. I’m using almond milk now instead of 1%. Tastes better, feels better, and saves 100 calories! I couldn’t get into the kitchen because we had a cracked pipe. Everything is torn up, the damage is between the kitchen upstairs and the livingroom downstairs. Jerry and the plumber are tearing up the house to get to it—walls, cabinets, bookcases. Ugh. The chaos of the day distracted me from getting my usual water in-take or being able to plan an evening meal.

Not good.

No way to get into the kitchen to cook. Stephen bought pizza for the boys. Not something I should have eaten, but at least I ate about half my normal portion. (Ugh. I think I’ll keep this little detail about having PIZZA off that private facebook page where we are talking about our weight loss! A lot of those people are super healthy and would be appalled even if we weren’t on a diet!)

I was sluggish and emotional, even after my good cry and my efforts to get more water down. As the day went on I began to feel cramped, bloated, and aching. Felt a little the night before, but not enough to pay attention to. This time it was pretty miserable and continued into the night.

No walk today. Just leaking pipes and chaos and tears and pain. 😦

But I was also only a few calories over 1200! I’m slowly learning to eat less.

(Author’s note: The article connected to the image I used is all about crying. Not a bad read!)

Weight Loss Journey Day 3

The Early Weight Loss Journey January 3, 2013 Comments: 2

I’m shocked our short walk last night has me sore! But really, I did basically nothing for three months after the second car accident. What do I expect after spending a summer in bed or on the couch??? Jerry walked with me again today. I love his support even though I worry I’m holding him back. He was walking four miles a day at a pretty good clip. I can’t keep up with that.

Skipped my coffee again today without a caffeine headache. A daily dose of the BeLean I take has less than a cup of coffee, but I don’t seem to need my daily fix anymore. Since I don’t have a scale at home, I weighed myself at the chiropractor. I’m going to weigh each time I see him rather than buy a scale. It will keep me to that once a week weigh-in. I’m only on day 3, but I’m down a couple of pounds, 208. Ugh. How did I let myself go this long?Person-weighing-themselve-007

Felt pretty hungry in the afternoon, but did okay, even though it made me grumpy. Had homemade chili with turkey and beans for supper. Healthy, low in calories, and filling. The boys loved it, and I felt good about all of that.

I worry about failure. I’m so honored to be a beta tester. I don’t want to let Life Force down—or myself. I keep asking Jerry, “what if this doesn’t work?” He just smiles and says it will.

Weight Loss Journey Day 2

The Early Weight Loss Journey January 2, 2013 Leave a comment

Bought raspberries yesterday (thanks to a great deal at the discount food place where I go) to add to my meal replacement shake. What a treat! I don’t feel as overwhelmed as I did yesterday. I’ve decided to try to cut 500-800 calories a day instead of being legalistic about the 1200 calories suggested to the BETA group. I want to honor what they are asking of me, but I also want to approach this in a way that is sustainable for me. Just that 300 calorie freedom makes me feel more in control. I’m probably used to more than 2,000 a day, so I think cutting to 1200 a day is a little drastic. Maybe as I adjust I can be at 1200 calories more consistently. I want this to be long term change for me, not a fad diet, so I’m trying to make incremental lifestyle change that connects to our family system.

I’m using some of the recipes offered, but not following the meal plan exactly. Cooking for 3 teenage boys is already a trick in my schedule and for our resources, so I’m going to be healthy and wise, cut portions, but not live someone else’s plan. I hope I’m not being rebellious. I don’t mean to be. I just want to fit this change into the design of our family so I can maintain it. And of course there’s the issue of my not being a vegetable lover and many of their recipes pushing past my tolerance level on that.

The bridge we crossed during our snowy night walk

The bridge we crossed during our snowy night walk

Today was REALLY good. I had energy and didn’t miss my coffee. We went out to eat to celebrate Samuel’s return from the hospital. I found I could be satisfied eating half the portion offered me. Jerry and I shared a plate, saving $$ and calories! And salad tasted a little better than normal. I’ve spent my life not wanting to waste tummy space on something I dislike as much as salad. But maybe knowing a small salad has only 15 calories made it more attractive—or the fact that eating less of the other stuff left room for it. At any rate, it is an incremental change, this effort to add in this healthy choice and back away from more of the heavier food.

At 10 p.m. it was BEAUTIFUL outside. The first snow off the season danced in the lamplights, and I begged Jerry to take a walk with me. He’s a good guy and couldn’t resist the begging in my eyes. We walked the nature trail holding hands, laughing at my child-like effort to catch snowflakes on my tongue, acting like we were teenagers instead of hitting the other side of middle age. Crossing the little snow-covered bridge by our house was almost fairy-tale like.

Fabulous. I couldn’t believe I had the energy!

Weight Loss Journey Preamble and Day 1

The Early Weight Loss Journey, Uncategorized January 2, 2013 1 Comment

Pre-weight loss adventure 1:

9-28-2012 Booksigning with Kathy Kovach

Kathy Kovach and Paula sign books on Septemeber 28, 2012

I was driving to a booksigning when Jerry called from the Life Force International Conference. He told me the company is releasing a new product in a couple of months and is looking for a BETA group to track so they can share results when the product releases. I sensed that this was the answer to the prayer I’ve prayed for a couple of years now, “Lord, please help me to know what to do about my weight. I don’t have the courage to tackle this issue, but I know I need to.” I’m so excited! But . . . I hate the facebook picture barrage that always comes after. I mean I’m glad my friends love me and take my picture and tag me, but it is hard on the ego to see pictures posted in such a public forum that show how heavy I am. I’m starting to call them the fat Paula facebook pictures.

Pre-weight loss adventure 2:

Today was incredibly hard. Life Force needed a picture designed to show my bulges instead of hide them. I put on some make-up and fixed my hair, but still felt so ugly and exposed. Can I really do this? Can I really have a picture out there of how bad I look right now? I feel stripped and weepy. It was really hard to put down my weight, too. How did I let this happen??

Pre-weight loss adventure 3:

I can’t believe it. I wasn’t chosen for the BETA group. I really thought God promised this to me. After the June 5th car accident I pretty much completely shut down. Once I surrendered to the process (i.e. quit trying to work when my whole being was shutting down), He began to bring resources to me. The chiropractor found a technique that reduced my dizziness and the feeling of my head swelling and bursting by at least half. I found a doctor who specifically treats trauma victims. I started going to a counselor. So much good, physically, emotionally, and spiritually is happening. I was just sure I’d be chosen for this weight loss program. It would be the final piece to truly getting well—to coming back better than I was when that car pulled out in front of me.

I’m so confused. God??

Pre-weight loss adventure 4:

Why do I doubt? Oh me of little faith. Someone dropped out of the BETA test group, and Life Force replaced her with ME! Wow. This is big. I can’t wait!!

Day 1 – Wednesday (October 24, 2012)

One minute I’m excited, the next I want to burst into tears. I’ll be 47 this month, and this is the first time I’ve been brave enough to take charge of my weight. Starting this journey at—oh this is embarrassing—210 lbs.

I really believe BeNew is the answer I’ve been praying for—I love the focus on nutrition and the support of the BETA group’s secret page. I’m excited about the metabolism booster, the cleanse, the carbohydrate blocker, and the deep nutrition and organic base of the one meal replacement I’ll do each day.

But it’s also scary, totally outside my experience. I fear failure and feel overwhelmed by paying attention to what I put into my mouth. I’ve never counted calories and have no idea what each bite holds. Jerry helped me get some on-line resources to track the caloric intake of what I’m eating. That helps, but it really is like being flung into a whole new universe, this thinking about calories!

I thought about admitting how scared and even emotional I am to the BETA group, but they are Jerry’s peers, the company he’s chosen to make his next career since things crashed with his business of the last 8 years. But I don’t want to be perceived as a whiney wife. Everyone else is being so positive, excited about the products and the experience. I’ll just keep my fears to myself and Jerry.

As to physical effects, I’ve felt a little bit of heart pounding. I think I’ll cut out my coffee tomorrow. With the metabolism booster I probably shouldn’t have the caffeine. And since I like my coffee with cream, that cuts 50 calories!

I was really hungry by the evening meal. Supper was healthy, and I didn’t feel deprived even though I kept within healthy calorie intake. Yeah!

I studied the suggested exercise routine, but I know I can’t do it. My neck and back still hurt too much from the car accidents. Anything jarring, like butt kicks, is too much. I’m going to be more consistent with the stretches my physical therapist gave me after my first accident and add walking back into my life. Didn’t walk today, but just the food changes overwhelmed me, so I’ll tackle the next change tomorrow.

Oh, and the first week of the diet we do a cleanse. It’s full of healthy stuff. It doesn’t taste bad, but it is green and kind-a weird, and not how I want to end my food day, lol. But I’ll do it . . .

What this blog is about

Real Time Information January 1, 2013 Comments: 7
Progression of weight loss from pictures taken at three consecutive writer events: 11-28-12, 12-3-12, 12-29-12

Progression of weight loss from pictures taken at three consecutive writer events: 11-02-12, 12-1-12, 12-29-12My BeNew journey began October 24, 2012.

My BeNew journey began October 24, 2012. Obese, I weighed in at roughly 210 pounds. On January 1, 2013 I began blogging about what it was like to walk this road to health. The posts below share that journey. (If you just started the journey to a healthier, thinner you, consider reading my early posts for ideas and encouragement!)

BeNew Outside 1

2-7-2013

On January 31, 2013, I had lost 32 pounds and 19.75 inches and felt  stronger, healthier, happier, and sexier than I had in years!

mom looking for her girl (2)

May 19, 2013

This picture was captured by a friend on May 19, 2013 at my daughter’s wedding. What a joy to feel completely comfortable with my body and how my clothes fit for this special day! In this picture I am down almost 50 pounds from where I started last October. Getting healthy is possible, my friends!