I’m panicked. Now that the world knows I’ve lost almost 20 pounds, can I keep it up??

Here’s what I posted to Facebook on November 29 in response to going public with my weight loss journey:

Remember when I posted that I was horribly embarrassed and asked you to pray for me about 2 months ago? I said if things worked out, I’d tell you about it someday. I had just applied as a beta tester for BeNew. I had to send in a picture purposely showing all my fat. I was horrified at the picture, embarrassed with the numbers I turned in. Sad I’d allowed myself to gain all that weight, unchecked. Afraid I couldn’t do anything to change it.

When Life Force chose me to test their weight loss program, I was thrilled and petrified all at once. It’s been five weeks now. This morning the scale said I’d lost almost 20 pounds, which is 1/3 of the way to my goal. (Yes, do the math, that’s how out of control this thing had gotten.)

I’m excited that my pants are baggy, but there are other rewards that I am just as excited about, which are unexpected. I’ve found the joy again in movement. I have the energy and DESIRE to walk, swim, ride a bike. Last week, for the first time in YEARS I was walking through my neighborhood and couldn’t resist the desire to RUN.

I’m also blown away by my children and their perceptions of this journey. My daughter is the reason you’re seeing this post. I hadn’t yet gotten the nerve to be public about my journey, but she posted to her dad’s new fb page last night about how proud she is of me. It was a beautiful, make you weep post, but (and I know this was not her goal) it was also incredibly convicting.

She said that for 21 years she’d watched me care for my heart in hard times, but never my body. And it’s true. I was a perfectly healthy size at her birth. Four babies came in 6 years and I never worked to get the baby fat off. I became a writer and never balanced all that sedentary life with exercise. I cook mostly homemade and healthy, but I never paid attention to too many sweets or getting enough fresh foods. The nutritional support of the Life Force products had actually made me crave more healthy options.

My sweet husband never once complained as I packed on the pounds. He told me I was beautiful and sexy always. But I’m blown away by how much he is enjoying the new me. We are active together now, often taking long walks just the two of us. I regret the pleasure my choices withheld from him now that I see how much he enjoys my new attitude, energy levels, and body.

I still have a long way to go, which is why I hadn’t yet admitted this publicly, until last night when Sarah told. Or maybe that isn’t really true, maybe the whole admitting of how out of control my weight had gotten was just too hard for me.

I do know I could use your prayers.  I do know the LORD gave me this gift. I had prayed for about two years that He would show me what to do about my weight. Until BeNew came along,  I didn’t have what it took to tackle the problem. But when I heard about the chance to be a beta tester, I knew I was ready and that there would be a good nutritional, wise approach to help me find my way.

Please pray with me for complete success!

Real Time Update:

January 31, 2013 – my updated picture for the beta test group

Where I started back in October, 2012

Last night I saw the picture I sent to the beta group audition. I thought I would never, ever, ever show it in public. But if this blog is about encouraging others, I need to be vulnerable. And I think this picture speaks more loudly than my words. Change is possible.

I was out of shape. Not just heavy, but I had neglected movement as well as healthy portions. I was sluggish. Tired. Even found myself struggling to get out of a chair sometimes.

Freedom is returning. The nutritional support of BeNew has helped me gain energy and feel stronger even as I eat less. I have less cravings for unhealthy foods. I am exercising and enjoying the freedom of roaming the neighborhood.

My weight didn’t define me then, and being thinner doesn’t define me now. But my weight DID inhibit me and getting closer to the size I was created to be is freeing.

Friends, let’s move forward together for health! For life! For freedom to be all we were created to be–inside and out!

What About You?

How does all this hit ya?

Tagged: can I do it?, change, courage, embarrassed, embarrassing pictures, encouragement for weight loss, freedom, losing weight, move forward, movement, panic, vulnerable