Muddling in the Middle (Days 75 & 76)

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Photo by Stephen Moldenhauer

As the journal entries below show, the newness of the joy of weight loss wore off about half-way there. Suddenly the climb seemed a little steeper.

I’ve had some frustration, a little muddling around about half-way to my weight loss goals. The good news is this is pretty normal–AND I DID lose more weight! And just as important, I continue to learn about life, about me, about God.

January 6, 2013

Life with a weight loss goal is up and down. I wrote about joy a few days ago. I’ve had more peace and joy in the last few weeks than in a long time. I also had a lot of affirmation the last few weeks as people started noticing my new size. Super fun!But today . . . I’m frustrated. I’m more often hungry again—and fighting more cravings. I don’t know if my metabolism has sped up due to consistent exercise and that makes me hungrier, or if holiday foods were less healthy, and it messed with everything. But I’m not craving sweets. It’s cheese. Gooey and piled on. I had a little cheese on a small potato with ground turkey and salsa for lunch. Thought it would be wise to have a little of what I craved rather than ignore the desire and then binge.

Still, it’s weird to suddenly fight the process again. I was mostly at peace with it for so long.

I am on BEPure this week. Maybe I’m going through another emotional purge. The last cleanse didn’t bother me, but I’ve been weepy over all kinds of stuff today, especially over my on-going head symptoms and inability to concentrate for long periods of time. I’m entering month six without diagnosis or complete healing . . .

On the positive side I know I’m smaller ‘cause I just had to take off my ring to type. It kept rolling around too much . . .

January 7, 2013

They say the first weight off is easier than the last weight. It is coming off slower for me, now, despite the fact that I’m eating healthier and exercising consistently. This morning I worked for a while on writing stuff, like this blog. My head symptoms that began over six months ago flared, but I pushed through for a while. By the time I quit they were going pretty crazy.

Frustrated.

  • That the scale isn’t dropping very quickly.
  • That no one can tell me why my head gets weird.
  • That I’m still having symptoms associated with a car wreck that happened last June.
  • That money is tight
  • That hubby’s computer crashed again and . . .

So I went walking. The first half mile or so all I did was grumble to God. At a mile and a half I took a break, popped into my favorite coffee shop, asked for water, and went to the bathroom. Then I circled the nearby school.

I prayed about hope, standing strong, looking to God for answers. As I prayed for the school, I realized I also prayed for me, for our family, for our whole neighborhood. By the time I’d circled a few times, pouring out my heart, I felt better. I walked past the abandoned strip mall, praying for good things to come there—asking again if it might be a church. Then I walked to the high school, surprised by a nature path I didn’t know about. It was beautiful!

This walking thing isn’t just about losing pounds; it’s about losing bad attitudes, finding faith, believing in hope. Seeking the Son in His sunshine.

Walked close to 5 miles.

I’m home now, enjoying a cup of tea and a homemade persimmon cookie that I don’t feel guilty about. Yes, there’s a little sugar, but there is also a lot of healthy ingredients in it.

And I’ll have plenty of extra calories today!

How About You?

Anybody else find a new round of struggle about half way to your goal?

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