Today’s post is a little off topic. It is mostly a cry for your prayers.
If you’ve been around A Benew Journey since the beginning, you know that in 2012 I was in two car accidents. The first resulted in whip lash, the second in some undiagnosed head malady. I sort of quit talking about that.
After seeing several specialists and getting no real help my family doc and I decided to accept where I was. He told me I may never be completely normal again, and that I needed to figure out how to live in a way that compensated for what I’d lost. That was earlier this year. Meanwhile, the very nice (NOT) insurance adjuster pretty much accused me of making it all up. I asked him to never call again and tried to just live my life in my new normal.
Over time the symptoms have lessened, but they never went away completely. They return on days I am at the computer a lot. I try to take breaks and take a walk or something when it gets especially bad. Often the symptoms are relieved short-term, only to return again when I return to work. The symptoms also act up during high stress moments.
The reason I’m talking about this again is to ask for prayer. My hope that there might be a solution was stirred on Wednesday when I went to the chiropractor. (He’s treated me since my first car accident and has tried different things for these symptoms I was experiencing.) He’d just returned from a class on using cranial manipulation to help people who’ve had concussions or similar experiences. He did this new technique on me. I felt woosy afterwards, flushed, and had a rush of emotion.
An interesting aside is that one of the tests at the ENT specialist last January was supposed to make me dizzy. It didn’t, but they couldn’t explain why my results were so abnormal. I found the instant dizziness today very interesting.
So today I sat crying and dizzy in the waiting room at the chiropractors, too affected to drive home. One of the chiropractor’s workers went through a car accident that caused a concussion a while back, and Dr. Snyder had done this technique on her. She laughed as she handed me tissue, assured me the response was normal, and said she has received a lot of help from the cranial treatments she’s received.
After I settled enough to drive I got really excited at the idea that treatment had obviously done SOMETHING. On the drive home I felt clearer that I have in a long time, my thinking more sharp. However, a headache soon followed. Once home, I laid down. When I got up I had symptoms I used to get several months ago but haven’t had much lately. I’ve heard that as you heal you can sometimes go backward through the stages of injury. I’m praying this is why I feel what I’m feeling.
Honestly, all this stuff has stirred up hope, and I’m afraid to be hopeful. Sometimes it hurts to hope in an area that has such long-term hopelessness.
But then again, isn’t a whole lot of life–persevering in hope, falling back on Jesus when we’re afraid? Believing in the sun even when we don’t see it?
An interesting aside: As I drove to the chiropractor this morning I prayed more than I usually do about it. I asked that Dr. Snyder would be especially attuned to what my body needed. I also talked to the Lord about how frustrating it is to be in charge of events but to be unable to remember details, like times and who I’ve delegated what to. I prayed that He would help me figure out a system to aid in this deficit or to give me more clarity of mind. I remembered those prayers as I drove home with that new sharpness of thought. Unfortunately it is gone again now, but I at least I felt it for a fleeting moment. At least I know what it feels like, know it can happen for me.
Now you know the story. Would you pray for my healing? And while you’re at it, I’m in charge of an all day writer’s workshop this weekend. I’d love prayers that I can think clearly and that the workshop will be beneficial to the attendees–and if you live on the western slope and love to write, join us!
(PS Just an aside since this blog IS about weight loss. The chiropractor asked if I had reached my high school weight yet. We both laughed. Here’s the gospel truth, folks. I am a momma of 4. I carried and nursed four babies. My body will never again look like it did at 17, and I don’t care!! Just for fun I dug out an old picture before children. This was my wedding shower. I was 23. I’m standing between two of my bridesmaids, Kristin and Elizabeth. Don’t you love the big hair?)
Totally understand this Paula. It is so very frustrating at times. I’ve studied the cranial manipulation before and from what I’ve learned it’s good. 🙂 Not that I know it all. 🙂
Yes, I’ve felt the same way about my trunk. It all started soon after I had Jennifer was born and the doc bound me toooo tight, then I was in a volley ball accident on a co-ed team where some of the players were professional…big difference. Then a few years later got injured in the same place in a car accident. It’s been hard six surgeries later to keep praising and asking the Lord for a complete healing. Actually, I do claim that He has healed me from the first time I believed and asked for it. I’ve had wonderful opportunities to witness to others God’s love and patience as I endure some of the painful experiments to put me back together. So for the most part, I’m supposed to be where I am.
I understand some of the forgetful moments too as I’ve had to deal with a couple of stints and research on my heart and circulatory system. I think it’s more frustrating than the other because I don’t get many of the symptoms associated with this condition. But we are here to help others along the way and won’t get to go home until He calls us.
Then there is Jim. Always at the top of his physical life. Never in our lives did we expect him to suddenly drop the way he did. But again, he has ministered to so many people in his condition. All we can do is our best to love ourselves where we are at and others. 🙂
Love your big hair, you look like a Texas girl!
Go in peace sweet sister, I know you’ll do fine this weekend. Relax and enjoy, let others care for you and Happy Anniversary.
Love from Jim and Paulette Harris.
Thank you for your comment, Paulette. When I hear stories like you I am reminded that I am not alone in the struggle–and am I humbled because so many people, like you, have walked a much longer road than I have. Thank you for your prayers and kindness–and I was from Oklahoma, so Texas hair is not too far off!
Hey Paula – now I know more clearly why you have been on my heart this week. I think I shared briefly with you about my chronic back pain. I understand coming to a place where you wonder if it is better to accept it rather than hope.
HOPE Paula – yes it’s scary! But… if you are not in a state of hope, your eyes are not tuned to see God working in the small ways to bring the healing to you.
I have had chronic pain since I was 16, albeit low level. But God brought it back through an injury while working out in a raging way. Accompanying the back pain has been Post Traumatic Stress in which I’ve been having flashbacks to sexual abuse as a child.
All this to say is that God hemmed me in. I have a massage therapist, a pt who specializes in pelvic instability, and a counselor trained in treating PTSD. All of them are Christians, and they each are part of that hem that God created for me.
It sounds like God is doing the same for you. On the hope side, I have found that I repeat this phrase every time someone asks me how I am doing: I am Healing!
You see, I am in process, and there is an ease in my state of being when my hope matches that process. I have always had a hard time saying “I am Healed” when physical evidence is contrary to that.
But the hope that surges when I say “I am Healing!” is incredible – because I know it is true.
My prayer for you this weekend is that contentment in the process comes to you, that your spirit is at peace as you inspire new writers and gather groups together. May you be confident and vulnerable with those that are teaching alongside of you. Let His strength be made perfect in your weakness through the strengths of those around you. Together you are all better at teaching. Don’t be a lone wolf, reach and ask for the help you need 🙂
May the fullness of the Godhead be present with you and within you. God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit!
Interceding for you, Cheryl
Wow, Cheryl! Tears sprang to my eyes are I read this. Your words are powerful and your journey gives me hope in mine. I’m also so blessed when I realize God puts me on someone’s heart for prayer when they don’t even know what I’m going through!! How cool is that? But He does it!!
Yes, I am healing. Hanging onto that phrase.
Beautiful comment from Cheryl. I wished I had written this myself, but Florence Littauer did. Hope is: Helping Other People Emotionally. Isn’t t hat beautiful. Praying for both of you. 🙂
Have a great day in Jesus. 🙂
Thanks for the prayers Paulette and Paula – God is amazing how he draws us to one another, not because one of us has “made it” but because we understand the journey THROUGH suffering. May we all continue to be like Christ 🙂
Lots of wishes for the treatment to work. In my thirties I was diagnosed with epilepsy, after a series of fits out of the blue. I too suffer with the memory thing, often with names and words for things, but my memory is terrible now. I use a lot of tactics to get round it, lots of note taking is one, and it is frustrating but I seem to manage, mostly 🙂
Wow. I never would have guessed you deal with epilepsy with the way you live such a full, active life. Good for you. Yes. I’m having to learn to write more down. The problem is I also lose stuff. Love the computer ’cause if I can remember where I saved what I need at least it isn’t lost somewhere.
I’m very lucky that my epilepsy is controlled by drugs. Unfortunately, the area in my brain it originates from is the bit concerned with memory but I guess I’ve just adapted. I lose things too, or go to get something and forget what I’m looking for. Guess I’ve just got used to it and worked my way around it over the last twenty years or so 🙂