Changes and a Bag of Chips

I’m don’t typically grieve summer’s end. But this end is more endish than normal. (Warning! Mom letting go post. Tissue might have been required to write this one. Freedom to commiserate with author freely given.)

Change #1: This summer marked the beginning and end of having Alex live with us. Honestly, in the month he lived with us he became another of my kids. I got attached, then I had to say good-bye.

family silly

Now he’s home in Spain where I’m sure his mom and dad are thrilled to have him back, but can I just say Spain is a long way from Colorado?

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Change #2: After homeschooling my Stephen for the last 17 years (counting from birth here), he’s going AWAY to school. Though technically homeschooled, he’ll spend each day with a teacher who is not me for the first time ever, earning dual high school/college credits and all kinds of mountaineering and leadership certifications. It’s a great opportunity for him! (But, uh, here I am, the who never had to cry as she sent her son off to kindergarten, waving good-bye at the school bus. (Okay, he’s driving himself and I’m not standing at the door crying in my robe, but STILL!))

stephen on mountain

Change #3: Seth leaves tomorrow for college. I had to adjust to him living out of state for 9 months to play hockey, but then he was home a year, attending community college. Now he’s leaving again, and him moving into a college dorm feels more “away,” more permanent, more next step into adulthoodish. (Insert picture now of mom sniffing as the little red beater car pulls out of the driveway, stacked to the roof with all his most important belongings.)

Seth

Change #4 Okay. So they’ve been married since May, but give me a break. The house still seems empty with both Sarah and David gone. I know married people should live together in their own place . . . but, hey  . . . I got used to having them around when David lived with us before the wedding, and when they DO come over now, the boys monopolize them!

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photo by Kim Liddiard of Creative Pixel photography

Change #4: In the midst of all the kids moving into new stages, Jerry took two new jobs and is working long hours away from home. I know most of you are used to a spouse (or both) driving off daily, but Jerry and I have shared a home office for the last ten years! I miss my man! Thankfully, we have a plan. We hung out a shingle with Life Force International a few months ago, and right now about 1/4 of our salary comes from this endeavor. It’s our goal to keep building this as our next home business and get Jerry back home! (But for now I’m whining, remember the image of me waving good-bye to all my loved ones.)

wedding, Darlene's disk (163)

The good news for me is that Sam is home at least one more year. You might pray for him. At almost 16 he doesn’t need me holding him, reading Frog and Toad, or tying his shoes. (Okay, okay, I WON’T!)

sam on mt

I’d like to say I’ve handled everything with grace and wisdom. What really happened is I ate a whole bag of chips and a bunch of chocolate and spent hours watching Downton Abbey on Saturday!

At first I felt lousy about that whole bad food/no exercise/wasting time thing. But I don’t anymore. I needed that crash.

On the Benew journey I think we have to leave space for “those” days, the ones where we need to not think, to not try so hard, to indulge a little.

“Those” days just can’t be most days.

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2 thoughts on “Changes and a Bag of Chips

  1. mariekeates August 21, 2013 at 10:47 pm Reply

    Sometimes only chocolate will do! It is very hard to let go so don’t beat yourself up for feeling sad. This too will pass. 🙂

    • Paula Moldenhauer August 23, 2013 at 5:54 pm Reply

      Thanks, sweet friend. I’m trying to just let myself have some time so I can move forward when I’m ready in a healthy way.

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