“Blessed is the one you discipline, Lord, the one you teach from your law; you grant them relief from days of trouble, until a pit is dug for the wicked.” Psalm 94:12-13
Sunday at church we sang a song by Jeremy Riddle called “Sweetly Broken.” The chorus:
At the cross you beckon me
You draw me gently to my knees, and I am
Lost for words, so lost in love
I am sweetly broken, wholly surrendered.
You can hear it here.
I sat in worship and cried. Sometimes I do that. I wish I cried pretty and sniffed gently. I’m more like a loud Louis Armstrong blowfish, red and puffy and blowing a trumpet. But we are what we are and the Spirit was all over me.
Ever feel that way? I have. Lately, it feels like it will never end. And it won’t. Not ‘til I see Him face to face.
The adventure of living for Christ is full of epiphanies if we decide to keep growing and not just remain stagnant. This past week it occurred to me that as the fourth of four children I often got my way. (My siblings may cough loudly and obnoxiously at this point.) I wouldn’t call myself spoiled but I do believe I have lived my life getting my way most of the time.
At age 23, I met someone I thought I would marry. He didn’t want to marry me. I didn’t get my way and I remember very clearly turning to food. I could have my way with food. So began a pattern that has been deeply engrained in my life for 27 years.
Now, at 50, I have surrendered. I’ve thrown in the white flag and said “God, not my way with food anymore. Your way.”
Ergo, I am being sweetly broken.
In the last ten months I’ve lost 70 pounds and several dress sizes and a lot of inches.
But I’ve also lost a part of me that was extremely used to being in control. That part of me has stood in the way of going deeper with the Father. That part of me that still rears its ugly head and cries out, “This is too difficult.”
I am sweetly broken.
The breaking hurts, but there is a sweet side.
Physically I look and feel better.
Emotionally I find myself clinging to Christ in desperation and gratitude. And my compassion for other folks going through similar battles has quadrupled.
Mentally I am discovering that I have more room to think about other people or challenges where in the past, that space in my brain would have been crowded with “What am I going to eat later?”
Spiritually I know I am tasting freedom. Last weekend I climbed a mountain. I kept thinking I would fall because it was steep, but the freedom to keep going, even if I fell, was exhilarating.
Sweetly broken. Wholly surrendered.
Christ did it first. He showed us the Way, the Truth and the Life that we can have simply by yielding our wills to God.
Today, join me and quit stomping your feet trying to get your way. Pray with me, “Your will, not mine, be done Lord.”
Note from Paula: Robbie’s first novel, Cecilia Jackson’s Last Chance, releases soon. It’s been a long time since I connected this deeply with a book’s characters. A long time since I’ve seen real, difficult issues tackled without making the reader wallow in the pain at the same time. It captured my heart, taught me about life and God, made me think about real stuff, but didn’t drag me down. I felt empowered and joyful at the end of the story. Watch for it!