There’s always stuff to do. 
There’s always stuff that hurts.
There’s always excuses.
I wanted to start this blog whining about how hard it’s been to focus on my body while remodeling a house, grieving deaths, and adjusting to the kids leaving home. All of those reasons for my struggle are real. Emotional eating is an easy trap to fall back into when sadness or loneliness hits. It’s hard to prioritize exercise when my home feels chaotic, and I can’t stand the mess one more day.
But the truth is life happens. I’m pretty sure I will never live an entire day without more pulling at me than I can conquer in that day, and I’m also sure that however many joyful moments a day holds, there will be something that happens that wants to pull me down, stress me out, or at least irritate me.
The truth is I am no longer at the age I can live and eat without intentionality. There are consequences. Not just on the scale, but in my body, health, and energy levels. As hard as it was to lose all that weight, if I’m not intentional I will find it again. All of it.
For the first time since 2012 I didn’t pay attention to how I ate or exercised over the holidays. And it shows. I feel myself getting into old patterns–being discouraged about the weight gain and allowing that discouragement to shut me down. Emotional eating comes really easy when I’m in that state. Getting out and walking does not. I’m also lonely more often now, and those solitary walks don’t sound quite as inviting as they did when the house was constantly noisy.
Here’s the honest truth. I need to get serious about my health again. I need prayer ’cause I know I can’t do this alone.
This week I’m taking a good first step. I’m doing a BENew cleanse. When I was losing weight and doing these consistently I noticed they helped reduce my cravings for the bad foods. (That first cleanse was a rough one for me emotionally. This one isn’t quite as bad, but I’m struggling a little.)
We’re in another car transition, which has made my schedule difficult. So step 2 for me was arranging with my kids for a schedule that allows me a car two mornings a week. My plan is to visit my chiropractor then meet with a friend who lives nearby so we can walk together.
Step 3 is I’ve also returned to doing a few light exercises every morning at home–some crunches, leg lifts, push-ups, and stretching. Nothing too intense. If I start with too much at first I know I won’t continue, so I’m beginning small and seeking to be consistent.
Where I feel the greatest resistance inside is food. I’ve continued much of the healthier eating that I learned in 2012–more fresh fruits and vegetables, making the largest portion my salad instead of the carbs. But unhealthy stuff has crept back in, too, like sometimes having a snack before bed, being mindless about portions, and being less careful with sweets.
When I lost weight I talked a lot about making changes I felt I could live with long-term. I believe I did that. The problem is I grew weary of mindfulness when it came to healthy choices and wise portions. Combined with less activity and less muscle mass, the weight began slipping back on.
And so I continue the journey. Instead of maintenance, I am seeking the courage to stand up and admit I need to lose a few pounds before it gets out of hand. Honestly, it makes me sad to own that, but pretending it isn’t there doesn’t make me any happier. And as much as I would prefer to keep this a private battle, I know accountability makes a difference. I need to lose eight to ten pounds. I need to do this now before things get out-of-control again, and it’s fifty I need to drop.
There. I said it.
If you’re on this journey with me, maybe a summary of my plan can help you, too.
- Honesty with self – choosing to admit I must deal with this problem
- Intentionality – Making choices with intent to stay on the road of health
- Mindfulness – Paying attention to what (and how much!) I eat and how much I move
- Spiritual support – Asking God to help me and others to pray for me
- Admission – Admitting I need to lose and owning exactly how many pounds
- Accountability – Telling someone that I need to change and have chosen to do so.
- A plan – for me it is 1) cleanse 2) exercise 3) Portion control 4) healthier foods
Anybody with me?
Until next time,
Tagged: emotional eating, exercise, food choices, healthy choices, movement, portion control, scheduling exercise, walking, weigh in wednesday, weight loss
Paula's Blog 
I got your back and so does Jesus. I hear what your saying Paula. I never want to get out of these 36 pants I am in. I do try to remember when I push that threshold that Jesus loves me and I am still valuable and accepted. Remember the guy that likes to turn up the volume on us so we hear the not true stuff. I use a maintenance plan to keep my weight in check. It’s called military,diet. You can Google it. Then when I am not on it three days a week. I eat healthy portions of Good food. I will admit I have been eating way to much of Carolyn’s homemade fiber bars. I could sure use support to. The first sign of a person who is serious about their health is one that admits that they have a problem and that is called character. So in closing. I am in the boat with you girl. Lord we give you are bodies they are yours anyway. Help us to keep them in a way that is pleasing to you. That we might be might be men and women of God with Good attitudes and able to do your work.
Amen and amen! Thank you, my friend! And Father, we ask that you would help Tom, too, as he seeks to stay healthy. Thank you for the weight he and I have lost. Help us not to find it again!
You have a good plan. I’m cheering you on. I have more than you to lose and your story helps me re-focus on my own plan. Thanks
We’ve come a long way together, Cynthia! Now to have the tenacity to stick to it . . .
You can and will get yourself back on track. 🙂 As stringent as I’ve been this past year, I find myself being less mindful at times. I love your plan!
Thank you, my friend! I was pleased that I walked about an hour today. Still trying to get my attitude around eating more carefully . . .
Perhaps food journaling will help. That’s what I’m instructed to do when I’m needing to get back on track. The trick is writing it down right when you eat it. (even those few bites of something you have in between meals and snacks). It keeps you really mindful of your consumption and only needs to be done until you get back in the swing of things. Another thing I do is portion out food for myself for the week. This Sunday I grilled chicken and made 5 days worth of 4 oz (before grilling) portions. I also hardboiled some eggs, and, and cut and bagged up 1/2 cup portions of carrots, celery and broccoli. This way when I’m hungry, I don’t have to contemplate or snack around–my premeasured portions are ready. Hope that helps. You’ll get back to where you want to be. I know the fear of feeling terrible gets me back on track when I sway! 🙂
Thank you for your wonderful suggestions. I’ve been thinking about returning to My Fitness Pal app on my phone to track my food. Like you I did this for a while then I learned to eat that way once I was more mindful. But I haven’t tracked food for two years, so I think you’re right, I just need a tune-up. Great ideas on the premeasured food!
That sounds like a good plan Paula. As the weather gets better it will be easier to get outside and move about too, which can only help 🙂
That’s what my husband keeping telling me–that he’s not worried I’m going to regain everything, that once it is nicer out it will be easier for me . . . Thank you for your encouragement.
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