It’s bugging me that this blog is neglected.
Here’s the deal. Since my husband’s heart attack December 31st of last year and the subsequent struggle with Graves Disease, I haven’t had much left over for this space. And the times I’ve tried to write something heartfelt? Well, I ended up deleting.
Jerry and I are working through things. Making lots of changes in everything from employment to diet to choices for activities. We finally admitted to each other last week that there for a while we were preparing ourselves to say good-bye. But lately he’s been gaining strength and energy and stamina, and that has us encouraged.
What’s discouraging is that he seems to continue to lose vision. He’s having to give up lots of stuff, and, well, you grieve every time you have to let something go. Our pastor taught a few weeks ago on “blessed are they who mourn.” It opened up good conversation between Jerry and me about our grieving process. He grieves all he’s giving up. I grieve for him. And we both grieve the things we can no longer do together.
It’s been quite a journey.
I won’t promise I’ll be any better about posting here in the near future. We’ll see. The dam may open and the words come flooding out one of these days. But for now, I’m just trying to take it a day at a time.
That said, I’m not absent in the on-line world. On my author/speaker page I still post daily inspirational thoughts on living Free to Flourish, and I send a weekly newsletter to my subscriber list. We actually have a free novelette coming this fall for my newsletter subscribers, so now’s a great time to sign-up. And the Lord continues to bring me speaking engagements here and there. There’s something really beautiful about still speaking about Jesus while I’m in a season of grief. It blesses me when He pours the love and hope through me, and I see others encouraged.
I’ve had a few of you ask for that next book in the Towering Pines series. Rattled is half written, and poor Chad and Jade are left hanging, still trying to figure it out. I also promised another Christmas novella this year telling Hillary’s story (Evie’s best friend from Fruitcake Fallout). Honestly I don’t know when they will be written. I’m sad with those of you who’ve told me you’re waiting. Me, too. One of these days, months . . . (I hope not years!) . . . it will happen, and I’ll be sure to let everyone in cyberspace know.
For now, Jerry and I would appreciate your prayers.
Tagged: Free to Flourish, Fruitcake Fallout, Graves disease, heart attack, speaking in the pain, Tinseled Tidings, Towering Pines
You make courageous look beautiful…Yeah, I know. But the most beautiful courageous doesn’t feel courageous at all. It often feels broken, sometimes crushed, like it is a stumbling mess. You and your beloved Jerry are beautiful courageous. ❤
What a tender and encouraging comment. Thank you, my friend
Praying dear friends.
Thank you. Much love to you
Oh, dearest Paula. What a poignant article, my eyes filled with tears. Wishing you and Jerry a very happy 29th wedding anniversary and may the rest of your martial life be filled with love, joy, peace, happiness, and gratitude for having one another. Courage doesn’t always mean holding onto something precious God has given us, it sometimes means letting go when are destined by fate.
All the best, Hamza ________________________________
Thank you for your beautiful words, Hamza. Things feel a little better now than they did at first. I think the fact I wrote this means I’m stronger. On the really bad days a few months ago I kept telling myself that I wanted to lean into the beauty of each day and enjoy my husband instead of shutting down. Emotions are crazy things.
I think I have a pretty good idea how you feel, sweet Paula. Sometimes it’s hard to convince yourself of those promises and assurances of God when everything around you seems to slip, one by one, through your fingers. But let me tell you of the sweetness and beauty of your suffering, and in your brokenness, how Christ uses that to help someone else. Your grief. Your sorrow. Your hurting. Your questions, and your afflictions. Every bit of it. Every bit of what you give up. Your hands and your life may seem empty, but God is giving you the fullness of his grace and his goodness. You might not see it now, but you will, one day. All my love and prayers to you, sister. 💖
Thank you for these beautiful, encouraging words. I know enough of your story for them to mean even more.
So sorry you are feeling down. Praying for both you and Jerry. Always.
Thank you sweet Paulette. Your prayers are always treasured
Thank you for sharing your struggles. Praying for you both. ❤
Thanks, my friend. Much love to you.
Praying for both of you.
Thank you my friend! I’ve missed seeing you in the blogsphere.
You and Jerry have the most beautiful love story, not because it has always been easy, but because of your faith throughout. I pray that you continue to know God’s faithfulness during this season of life.
Your words deeply minister to me tonight, Elizabeth. Thank you for taking the time to speak them to me. I will always treasure you.
Hugs and much love to you and Jerry, my sweet friend. We press in and press on! I will see you soon!
Love you forever, Niki!
[…] was about doctor’s appointments, diet change, and adjusting. (I talked a little about that here.) The exciting update is that Jerry is […]