Tag Archives: cleanse

Muddling in the Middle (Days 75 & 76)

uphill climg

Photo by Stephen Moldenhauer

As the journal entries below show, the newness of the joy of weight loss wore off about half-way there. Suddenly the climb seemed a little steeper.

I’ve had some frustration, a little muddling around about half-way to my weight loss goals. The good news is this is pretty normal–AND I DID lose more weight! And just as important, I continue to learn about life, about me, about God.

January 6, 2013

Life with a weight loss goal is up and down. I wrote about joy a few days ago. I’ve had more peace and joy in the last few weeks than in a long time. I also had a lot of affirmation the last few weeks as people started noticing my new size. Super fun!But today . . . I’m frustrated. I’m more often hungry again—and fighting more cravings. I don’t know if my metabolism has sped up due to consistent exercise and that makes me hungrier, or if holiday foods were less healthy, and it messed with everything. But I’m not craving sweets. It’s cheese. Gooey and piled on. I had a little cheese on a small potato with ground turkey and salsa for lunch. Thought it would be wise to have a little of what I craved rather than ignore the desire and then binge.

Still, it’s weird to suddenly fight the process again. I was mostly at peace with it for so long.

I am on BEPure this week. Maybe I’m going through another emotional purge. The last cleanse didn’t bother me, but I’ve been weepy over all kinds of stuff today, especially over my on-going head symptoms and inability to concentrate for long periods of time. I’m entering month six without diagnosis or complete healing . . .

On the positive side I know I’m smaller ‘cause I just had to take off my ring to type. It kept rolling around too much . . .

January 7, 2013

They say the first weight off is easier than the last weight. It is coming off slower for me, now, despite the fact that I’m eating healthier and exercising consistently. This morning I worked for a while on writing stuff, like this blog. My head symptoms that began over six months ago flared, but I pushed through for a while. By the time I quit they were going pretty crazy.

Frustrated.

  • That the scale isn’t dropping very quickly.
  • That no one can tell me why my head gets weird.
  • That I’m still having symptoms associated with a car wreck that happened last June.
  • That money is tight
  • That hubby’s computer crashed again and . . .

So I went walking. The first half mile or so all I did was grumble to God. At a mile and a half I took a break, popped into my favorite coffee shop, asked for water, and went to the bathroom. Then I circled the nearby school.

I prayed about hope, standing strong, looking to God for answers. As I prayed for the school, I realized I also prayed for me, for our family, for our whole neighborhood. By the time I’d circled a few times, pouring out my heart, I felt better. I walked past the abandoned strip mall, praying for good things to come there—asking again if it might be a church. Then I walked to the high school, surprised by a nature path I didn’t know about. It was beautiful!

This walking thing isn’t just about losing pounds; it’s about losing bad attitudes, finding faith, believing in hope. Seeking the Son in His sunshine.

Walked close to 5 miles.

I’m home now, enjoying a cup of tea and a homemade persimmon cookie that I don’t feel guilty about. Yes, there’s a little sugar, but there is also a lot of healthy ingredients in it.

And I’ll have plenty of extra calories today!

How About You?

Anybody else find a new round of struggle about half way to your goal?

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Weight Loss Journey Day 5

IMAG0326 (2)Time to ask questions and admit the struggle! Awoke to more cramping and bloating from the cleanse. I posted to the secret beta group about the stomach issues. Thankfully, I’m not the only one struggling! I laughed out loud at one comment I got, “It will pass. Literally.” It was encouraging not to feel alone and to know that this is one of those short-term pain for long-term gain situations. Everyone emphasized keeping up with the water intake and healthy foods. (I think the pizza last night made everything worse, but no way am I admitting on that forum that I had pizza!) They also emphasized that getting exercise in will help with the digestive issues. Some people in the BETA group are saying their jeans are fitting looser. I’m just craving my sweats because my stomach is so sore!

Had my shake and lots of water in the morning, but the stomach issues continued. Had an apple, then a healthy lunch and while my stomach still gurgled, it didn’t hurt as much with a little more food in it. A couple of the ladies said they even got a bit nauseous. Thankfully, I just mostly feel bloated now.

I called my sister-in-law, who is seeing a nutritionist and has done multiple cleanses. She says the first is usually the worst by far, that I need to not let the calories dip too low or it might make things worse, and that often people pass parasites in a first cleanse. There also seems to be a balance in the fresh fruits and veggies arena. The people on-line said to be sure I’m eating them. She says she can eat too much fiber and exacerbate the problem. I wish I’d asked her if she’s had emotional side effects. I was excited when she approved of the ingredients in BePure. She is so into all this nutrition stuff, and it felt good to have her approval.

Have a light headache today. Don’t know if it is toxin release, which I think is probable, or just more issues from the whiplash from the accidents I was in.

Ready to be renewed, inside and out. As Life Force and the chiropractor help me deal with my body, I’m getting good support for my mind, spirit, and emotions through a prayer group of fellow writers. I was also offered counseling through an acquaintance of mine who has trained in stuff like PTSD and was watching me struggle after the second car wreck, and have been getting treatments for trauma from a guy who specializes in fight or flight. Interesting how God is bringing all these resources to me at once. I feel like I’m getting an inside-out makeover: from heart and spirit to weight and skeleton! I’m open wide, Lord. Wanting positive change on all fronts!

(later) someone just posted to the BETA group that when we lose fat it releases emotions. And someone else connected emotions to the cleanse. Decided to Google it and do a little research. According to Natural News, “you can remove stored negative emotions with deep body cleansing.” The article continued, “Most people don`t know it, but emotions can become trapped in the body. It`s the negative emotions that become trapped, and the reason they become trapped is generally because we didn`t know how to deal with them appropriately when they originally occurred. The consequence is that those stuck emotions then negatively affect us long past their due. However, with deep cleansing you can release and remove old, trapped negative emotions and end the cycle of being triggered by them.”

Wow! I’m reminded of that Scripture that says we are fearfully and wonderfully made. It’s amazing to see how what has gone on in my heart, mind, and emotions can be so connected to my body! Thank you, Lord, for yesterday’s tears, for this cleanse, for purifying me inside and out.

I find it interesting that yesterday’s crying binge began while I did my fight or flight therapy. I’d already had some trauma release with this therapy, but the cleanse seems to be working together with the therapy. I’ve felt no need to cry today, even during the fight or flight therapy. Yay! I think yesterday’s emotional purge was good for me, though.

Happy news of the day: Jerry and I walked together again. I went farther than I have since the June 5th car accident! AND I ate LESS than 1200 calories today and didn’t feel deprived!

Weight Loss Journey Preamble and Day 1

Pre-weight loss adventure 1:

9-28-2012 Booksigning with Kathy Kovach

Kathy Kovach and Paula sign books on Septemeber 28, 2012

I was driving to a booksigning when Jerry called from the Life Force International Conference. He told me the company is releasing a new product in a couple of months and is looking for a BETA group to track so they can share results when the product releases. I sensed that this was the answer to the prayer I’ve prayed for a couple of years now, “Lord, please help me to know what to do about my weight. I don’t have the courage to tackle this issue, but I know I need to.” I’m so excited! But . . . I hate the facebook picture barrage that always comes after. I mean I’m glad my friends love me and take my picture and tag me, but it is hard on the ego to see pictures posted in such a public forum that show how heavy I am. I’m starting to call them the fat Paula facebook pictures.

Pre-weight loss adventure 2:

Today was incredibly hard. Life Force needed a picture designed to show my bulges instead of hide them. I put on some make-up and fixed my hair, but still felt so ugly and exposed. Can I really do this? Can I really have a picture out there of how bad I look right now? I feel stripped and weepy. It was really hard to put down my weight, too. How did I let this happen??

Pre-weight loss adventure 3:

I can’t believe it. I wasn’t chosen for the BETA group. I really thought God promised this to me. After the June 5th car accident I pretty much completely shut down. Once I surrendered to the process (i.e. quit trying to work when my whole being was shutting down), He began to bring resources to me. The chiropractor found a technique that reduced my dizziness and the feeling of my head swelling and bursting by at least half. I found a doctor who specifically treats trauma victims. I started going to a counselor. So much good, physically, emotionally, and spiritually is happening. I was just sure I’d be chosen for this weight loss program. It would be the final piece to truly getting well—to coming back better than I was when that car pulled out in front of me.

I’m so confused. God??

Pre-weight loss adventure 4:

Why do I doubt? Oh me of little faith. Someone dropped out of the BETA test group, and Life Force replaced her with ME! Wow. This is big. I can’t wait!!

Day 1 – Wednesday (October 24, 2012)

One minute I’m excited, the next I want to burst into tears. I’ll be 47 this month, and this is the first time I’ve been brave enough to take charge of my weight. Starting this journey at—oh this is embarrassing—210 lbs.

I really believe BeNew is the answer I’ve been praying for—I love the focus on nutrition and the support of the BETA group’s secret page. I’m excited about the metabolism booster, the cleanse, the carbohydrate blocker, and the deep nutrition and organic base of the one meal replacement I’ll do each day.

But it’s also scary, totally outside my experience. I fear failure and feel overwhelmed by paying attention to what I put into my mouth. I’ve never counted calories and have no idea what each bite holds. Jerry helped me get some on-line resources to track the caloric intake of what I’m eating. That helps, but it really is like being flung into a whole new universe, this thinking about calories!

I thought about admitting how scared and even emotional I am to the BETA group, but they are Jerry’s peers, the company he’s chosen to make his next career since things crashed with his business of the last 8 years. But I don’t want to be perceived as a whiney wife. Everyone else is being so positive, excited about the products and the experience. I’ll just keep my fears to myself and Jerry.

As to physical effects, I’ve felt a little bit of heart pounding. I think I’ll cut out my coffee tomorrow. With the metabolism booster I probably shouldn’t have the caffeine. And since I like my coffee with cream, that cuts 50 calories!

I was really hungry by the evening meal. Supper was healthy, and I didn’t feel deprived even though I kept within healthy calorie intake. Yeah!

I studied the suggested exercise routine, but I know I can’t do it. My neck and back still hurt too much from the car accidents. Anything jarring, like butt kicks, is too much. I’m going to be more consistent with the stretches my physical therapist gave me after my first accident and add walking back into my life. Didn’t walk today, but just the food changes overwhelmed me, so I’ll tackle the next change tomorrow.

Oh, and the first week of the diet we do a cleanse. It’s full of healthy stuff. It doesn’t taste bad, but it is green and kind-a weird, and not how I want to end my food day, lol. But I’ll do it . . .