Tag Archives: creativity

Heart Rambles

There are deep places I don’t know how to process my way out of. Or if I even should.

Longing. Uncovering. Unveiling. Questioning.

The seemingly unrelated intertwine, vines growing in and out of each other, connected inside of me in some kind of whimsical garden where fruit trees grow over tomato plants and pumpkin vines wrap 1athemselves around rose bushes and potatoes sprout underneath the daisies.

Everything blooms and produces at once, whether in season or out.

Longing for much.

To create.

To embrace.

To enter.

Beauty, writing, twinkle lights, family, weighty words, advent flame, laughter, celebration,

Magical and spiritual, a slow dance and a jig.

Joy.

How can depth come from jigging or jigging from plumbing the depths?

How do the seasonal rhythms I  crave relate to thanksgiving, creating, relationship .  . . God?

What are words?

Their place within me and without?

And how is joy both cotton candy and meat and potatoes. Short magical romance and long soul-digging?

Being seventeen in a snap of the fingers, embracing pumpkin pie aroma when life grows hard, seeing the good where others criticize. Rose colored glasses? Impossible?

Judged. And yet desiring more, not less.

Entering into the moment. Creating the moment. Embracing the moment. Believing in the moment.

Vulnerable and child-like. Rolling eyes ridiculed. Lauded and applauded. Strength in soft flannel baby blanket.

Not Pollyanna, but not beyond liking her.

Miracle on 32nd Street silly.

Departures deep.

Both. Not either/or.

Stretching means embracing what others judge fluffy meaningless. And yet stretching also encompasses the deep places where others dare not tread.

Stretching means believing where some can’t.

And in all things, where are the words?

Do I trust them to germinate, to take root, to grow into an oak even as they pop up in crazy Dandelion yellow, determined little things, white daisies and bluets and Virginia Spring Beauties? Both platypus and regal lioness, tiny fish-tank turtle and mighty grey elephant? Dancing kitten and elegant giraffe?

Faith.

All this joy-seeking, word-growing, rhythm-searching returns there.

Of course.

Letting go of confusion, ego, questions. Holding longing loosely, lifting to Hands wiser than my own, while allowing the tears to beg for their place, for understanding and release, for fulfillment.

And yet knowing some ache is only treated in glory.

Letting it stand. Without giving up.

Trust.

Until Next Time,

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PS Found the rambling recently. I wrote it years ago, but it fits again as I re-enter my dreams to create. I let it go for a while, this focused writing thing. It was required, my time away. But now I return.

Resuscitation

After my last post Tom said, “Write and God will follow your writing.” breath

I read his comments a few times, letting them sink into my hungry, dry soul.

Then it hit me. “God will follow your writing.” Suddenly I grinned, imagining that one of the “followers” of this blog is God Himself.

Then I realized the truth of that imagining.

God does. He follows my blog! He was first and most important follower to grace it with His notice. Anyone else who reads comes after.

I knew this, but I didn’t. I know now. Differently.

And somehow everything I do here seems more important.

Validated.

I once again find my courage.

Because even if I’m afraid to write for you I’m am not afraid to write for Him.

HE sees.

HE cares.

When there is not one single comment or facebook share or new follower, when I fear I’m just rambling about my life and that my words will not resonate with anyone, He still cares.

He is my first reader.

And do you know what? He likes my rambling, my attempts at humor, my efforts to be artistic. He even likes the posts that are not deep or creative or even particularly interesting.

He likes them because I’m His, and Good Daddys care about the stuff their daughters do.

Are interested in what they create.

Want to know what pours from their hearts.

It doesn’t seem so scary now that I remember Who my Primary Audience is. I can quit trying to figure this blog out, stifled because I’m not sure what it’s all about since the focus is no longer primarily weight loss. I can let the scattered thoughts, all pieces of myself, just sprinkle forth, pouring out in whatever form is revealed.

Because HE wants to see my next post.

Pours His water upon me, lets me drink, and watches what spills over onto this screen.

Droplets.

Rivers maybe.

The prayers I requested in my last post? I think they are already pushing back the clouds. I feel the Son peeking in and illuminating the Way.

Please keep breathing on behalf of my writing life, blowing against that fog that’s been trying to hide the way out. The fog that’s swirled and thickened, heavy upon my heart, weighing it down. The fog full of voices that I shouldn’t listen to, voices that try to cloak their origin, try to convince me they are truth instead of folly.

Please keep that God-breath coming my friends.

I am being resuscitated.

Until Next Time,

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Dedicated to the Creators

You enter into holy ground when you create ~ Allen Arnold

~To all my blogging buddies, author friends, and artistic companions~

I didn’t craft the following prayer. Allen Arnold did. It washed over me, a waterfall of grace. I had to transcribe it onto my computer. Copy it by hand into my journal. Share it with you. 

Creator God,

You knit me together in my mother’s womb. You created me with this unique passion to create. You invited me into this calling, so breathe into me your presence here.

You’ve broken my chains. You’ve rescued me from the desert.

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This is not about me. This is not up to me. Slay my striving. Replace my productivity with your presence. Help me not look to the world for inspiration but to your imagination filled with truth, goodness, nobility, grace, and love.

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Help me not to look to the world for validation for you have given me this calling, and you have given me my identity. I am first your son,

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your daughter.

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I consecrate this identity to you. My creativity to you. My heart to you. And my life to you. Reign over it all.

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I hunger for you God—your mystery, your wildness, your holiness. We get to do this together. To create with words. Stories of freedom, of healing, of adventure, of hope. I want to run with you, ride with you, write with you, sing with you, create with you.

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May our time be blazing with light and life. I cast out the enemy and any spirits of distraction, despair, or disheartenment. The enemy has no place in the process of creation. He is the author of lies. You are the author of life.

Grant me your peace. Grant me your presence. Your peace casts out fear. Your presence means I’m never alone. God, if you’re not in this let’s call the whole process off. I don’t want to do it without you.

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May my face glow from your presence. Let me taste your goodness.

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Give me a glimpse of the eternal stories and images only seen by those in the kingdom of heaven.

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May my creation reflect you as the Creator.

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May my calling reflect you as the caller. May the works of my hands make you smile. And last, may we do this together, Father.

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In the name of Jesus I give you me.

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Prayer by Allen Arnold. Taken from a speaking series by Allen Arnold, writer and speaker, given at the Colorado Christian Writer’s Conference

Amazing! (Day 108)

This is the most amazing day I’ve had in a very long time. Things I’ve prayed about and worked toward forever just plopped into my lap! It’s like God said, “Happy February 8th! It’s your day!” and started showering me with presents. Some really cool stuff happened in my volunteer position as Colorado Coordinator for the American Christian Fiction Writers. Stuff I’ve prayed for, but didn’t know how to approach. Then my agent contacted me with a great idea. And then some really cool stuff happened where a bunch of doors opened for one of my kids. All these big areas of my life just came together!

And then . . . THEN I sat down and wrote for the first time since my car accident last June. I mean really wrote, creative, easy flowing, fresh fiction. It felt so good to find that piece of me after months of it being gone while I focused on my healing!

I’d have never taken a break for anything, just kept writing and writing, but my sweet hubby invited me to take a walk with him. Now that I’m getting healthy again, I need to stay balanced, even when creativity hits. I’m so glad he nudged me out of my imaginary world and into the sunshine. We only walked a mile, but it was SOMETHING. I have to hang onto this. I have to keep moving now that I’m starting to be able to work for long hours at the computer again.  ~February 8, 2013

Real Time Update:

The really cool thing that happened in my volunteer work that day grew into something really cool coming in June. If you’re a writer on the western slope of Colorado, you won’t want to miss it!

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What About You?

Where is it easy for you to get so lost in work or something you love that you forget to add movement into your day?