Tag Archives: losing emotional weight

Just Life

20140527_183112It got worse before it got better.

I’m talking about the kitchen floor saga.

For days we had the fan running. Finally we had to give up and take out the entire kitchen floor. The stove ended up in the living room, the huge side-by-side refrigerator in front of the microwave, floor boards stashed here and there, kitchen chairs on top of each other, topsy-turvy.

We lived this way for a week. The only saving grace was there were a lot of nights I didn’t cook. But even without the stove there were many, many dishes to do by hand. I know. I should be grateful we had food to eat and dishes to eat them on. Let’s just say that wasn’t at the forefront of my mind while drying dish after dish.

But ife doesn’t stop ’cause a girl’s kitchen is in chaos. Last week we turned a blind eye to the mess so we could enjoy:

A rehearsal dinner at a park while the sun set behind mountain peaks

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A good-bye lunch so we could send our “boy” off to work in those mountains for the summer

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A  wedding where my oldest son’s best friend finally married the amazing woman he’s been in love with since he was 16. Not only was it a gorgeous ceremony on a lush green lawn,

20140530_184355 but we had a blast dancing in the cabin complete with a shining wood floor. This momma also delighted in hearing her son give the best man’s speech.

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Our other two boys were ushers, and there was a bit of a problem with shoes. The bride told Sam and Stephen she didn’t care what they wore as long as they matched. They couldn’t agree on whether to wear Converse or dress shoes and showed up like this. There’s one (or two) in every crowd, especially with Moldenhauer boys around.

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Saturday brought wedding #2. If you’re a Bronco fan you’ve heard of Mile High Stadium. But if you look closely, there’s a wedding party posing right there on the field! Cool huh?

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This beautiful marriage, another example of young love surviving over years, took place club level in this famous stadium.The ceremony actually looked toward the Denver skyline, not the field.

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Hubby especially enjoyed the venue. I admired the china. We both enjoyed the food, including amazing raspberry-peach cupcakes, a little too much.

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It was fun hitting romantic venues this weekend. Good preparation for our 25th wedding anniversary coming up in just over a week. We couldn’t resist getting a picture while we were all dressed up.

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Sunday meant church (and an amazing message which I’ll share more on another day) and then . . . a baby shower for a sweet young woman I taught years ago when she was about eight! Now she’s a married woman and about to give birth to their first child. How time flies. Had to share this picture. I thought the fruit was presented especially well. ;O)

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We rushed home from the shower to watch our youngest play baseball at the high school field. You know, the crack of the ball on the bat, the cool evening air brushing our faces. Sounds like an all-American weekend, right? But after all that wonderful stuff, we returned home to reality.

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We agreed Monday morning held a baptism back into real life. We would conquer the disaster. The goal? To do it ourselves and not spend money on anything. I wasn’t exactly excited about getting up this morning.

When I forced myself out of bed I sought hubby out in the office where he was already working at his computer. This is often how I start my day, and Jerry never fails to welcome me onto his lap. This morning was no exception. He smiled and opened his arms to me, and I snuggled in. Then he told me today was going to be a good day because he got to spend all day working next to me.

And with those few, precious words he turned my attitude right around.

Things got even better when our oldest son told us he had some experience at this stuff from working with a friend. Together the three of us put the jigsaw puzzle of a floor back together. Seth and Jerry did the hard part. I was mostly there to veto the boards that were especially warped and to pick the boards with the least flaws for the most visible spots. If you don’t look too closely you’d never know that some of the seams are no longer smooth. The worst boards are placed carefully beneath appliances or where rugs go. It’s not perfect, but it actually looks pretty good.

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It’s late. The day is drawing toward tomorrow, the clock ticking to midnight. I should be in the kitchen using my new-to-me dishwasher (a $25 find on Craig’s list) and enjoying the fact that for the first time in days I’m not hand washing. I could also be moving everything from surrounding rooms back where they belong. Or maybe I should simply be sleeping. Honestly, I’m not sure why I’m here typing instead.

Maybe just because things turn out okay. Because real life is full of the juxtaposition of pain and pleasure, of leaky dishwashers and beautiful, fancy weddings. It’s full of jigsaw pieces that we’re not always sure how to fit together, even as it offers open arms to help us through.

Chances are next time I’m upset I won’t remember this lesson. But tonight I am grateful. My heart is quiet.

And I trust.

Until Next Time,

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BeNew!

IMAG2696It’s not just about looking better, it’s about living better.

This time last year I was about half-way through my 55 pound weight loss journey using the BeNew products. Here’s what I’ve learned now that I’ve lived multiple months at a NORMAL weight instead of putting up with obesity.

There is great joy in freedom of movement. It’s not not just the big stuff like the fact that last Saturday my husband and I took off on a trail we’d never traveled, and I didn’t worry about how far we might go or whether or not I could walk it. That was fabulous, joyful, and free. But it’s the every day stuff that means even more. I can bend over and tie my shoes without effort. I can sit on the floor. Hop off the floor. Curl up in a chair or on the couch. I WANT to enjoy active pursuits instead of fearing or dreading them. This alone is worth taking the BeNew journey, even if how I looked never changed–but of course it did, and that is fantastic, too.

There is great joy in no longer hiding. I wear what I want to wear without looking for big clothes or jackets to hide me. I’m not embarrassed to be caught on camera. I’ve started making video blogs without feeling uncomfortable when I see myself. I don’t hate mirrors anymore. I can dance without feeling embarrassed about my body. I can climb in a hot tub or swimming pool without running from the towel to the water. And (hope this isn’t TMI) but I’m not hiding like I was in the marriage bed either! That may be the very best part.

There are great health rewards. Besides simply feeling better, I have lower cholesterol, lower blood pressure, and increased ability resist whatever crud goes around. I also experience less joint pain in my hips and knees and have more strength and energy. While I attribute a lot of that to weight loss, I also focused on losing weight in a healthy way. The BENew products are health focused, not just weight focused, and I also supported my journey with what I believe is the most effective nutritional supplement on the market, Body Balance.

Shopping is fun! If you’ve ever spent hours looking for the perfect outfit to minimize the fat, imagine with me what it is like to go into a store, throw a bunch of stuff in the cart, and like ALL of it when you try it on. Seriously! Taking the BeNew journey has transformed shopping depression into delight! Last week I hit the after holiday clearance sales. I bought a pair of jeans from the JUNIOR department in the size I wore over 20 years ago. I can’t tell you how amazing that felt. I almost called my husband and best friends right there in the dressing room to shout out the news.

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With my friend, Eric Howard, who has lost over 100 pounds and counting using the BeNew products.

Confidence comes more easily. I truly believe in the inside person. I was not less of a person when I was 55 pounds heavier. The real me still worked hard, applied herself, sought to love others, and followed her dreams. But I have to admit that confidence comes easier when I’m not carrying the extra baggage of obesity. Maybe part of it is that people trust me more quickly. It’s as if climbing out of the stronghold of obesity gives me credibility in other areas.

As I lost weight on the outside I grew on the inside. Overcoming the hurdle of obesity required overcoming some interior hurdles as well. A healthy weight loss journey isn’t just about dropping pounds, it’s about dropping other stuff, like emotional baggage, bad habits, skewed mindsets. If you let it, a BeNew weight loss journey can strengthen your inner person and teach you a lot about life.

If you’re toying with the idea of taking your own BeNew journey–or have started and are wondering if it is worth it–pay close attention to all those happy words I just wrote: joy, fun, free, confident, fantastic, fabulous. Then jump in with both feet–or at least dip your big toe in the water. It won’t be the easiest thing you’ve ever done, but it will be one of the best.

PS If you’d like to hear more of my BENew story as well as about the products I use, please call 206-402-0100 at 5 p.m. MST tonight (Thursday). There is a 30 minute presentation that includes yours truly. Once you’ve called, the guest access pin is: 299215#

Epiphanies I

IMAG1753-1 (2)It all started on the side of that mountain. There I was minding my own business with my girlfriends minding theirs. I gazed at sloping green that opened into a valley surrounded by white-frosting-tipped peaks piercing a bright blue sky.

Beautiful.

My “baby” girl had just returned from a Mediterranean honeymoon cruise, and my sliver of travel, less than two hours from my home to Breckenridge, stirred longing. “Could I see the Mediterranean, someday, Lord? I want to cruise, to travel.”

The guilt came instantly. Starving children in Africa and all that. Me. Me. Me. Want. Want. Want. Thinking about my comfort. Fun. I have eternity to see good things. There are people who need HIM. Why am I thinking about myself?

“Why do you do that?”

His sudden appearance in my thoughts shocked me. Huh?

“Why do you feel guilty about wanting to experience the world I created for you to enjoy?”

That’s when the waterworks started. My friends clustered around asking what was wrong. It was too deep to share just then, on the side of a glorious mountain where just seconds before we’d been talking and laughing.

Anyway, I wasn’t ready. There was more to His Words and my reaction to them. It was time for another round of emotional weight loss.

Breck neighborhood 9After our hike we headed back to the cabin. I disappeared into my room with my journal and trusty pen. I often hear best with my pen in hand.

Seventeen journal pages of dialogue later I had an epiphany.

Or several.

Here’s the first: I was created to spread joy, created for delight, for celebration.

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~The Journal Conversation ~

Him: “I’ve asked you to do without in a culture where there is much. But that doesn’t mean it is more holy. It’s just been your process and Jerry’s. I’ve been teaching you to learn contentment in all things.”

I don’t think I’ve done very well with that . . .

“You have found joy in the small things. The real things–like relationship with Me, your family, and your friends. Small things like the fragrance of roses. The feel of a warm mug. The swirl of cream in coffee. The song of a bird.”

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I’m not sure those are so small.

(He Chuckles) “No. They are my gifts, more beautiful than you understand, but often overlooked . . . Even now you pause to enjoy My Aspen leaves dancing on the breeze outside the window. I like that about you.”

(Tears spring to think this pleases Him.) It’s simply how you wired me.

Us: It makes me/you more resilient.

“Can I not enjoy this trait even more knowing I gave it to you and that you have cared enough to develop it? My gift to you is your gift (our gift, really) to the world. Give them eyes to notice My beauty, Paula. And let me give you sweeping moments of beauty and joy so you can be continually refilled to pour out the celebration of the Good in Me and in My world.

“Receive My every gift with open abandon, arms stretching to Me, dancing in the falling joy-petals of My love-gifts.”

~

Of course there’s more to the seventeen pages of journaling, some of which I’ll share in the coming days. My epiphanies eventually circle back around to the curve ball post of a few days ago. I hope you’ll continue to journey with me as I drop emotional and mental weight.

For today I’m camping out here. In the joy of little things. Delighting in the idea that such simple notice of His gifts pleases Him. In letting go of the guilt barometer and learning to fully enjoy His gifts.

I’m wishing all of that for you, too, my friend. May today bring notice of the love-gifts of the Creator. My you dance in the falling joy-petals.

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Dancing in the Falling Joy-Petals

God’s Fairy Tale (Part II)

You already know this story has a fairy tale ending.

Yesterday I shared how stressed I was about the wedding and how God had everything under control. While I won’t share all the nitty gritty details of the struggle, I will tell you one story, only because it shows how faithful God is when He has a fairy tale dream to pull off for one of His girls.

As you’ll see as I walk through the wedding countdown, the Good Lord had all the key players in place and lots of beauty flowing to us through their talented fingers and creative minds.

But two weeks before the wedding that’s not where my emotions landed. They were in a big huge falling apart heap of tears. A handful of wedding details came back at twice the expected amount, and we were short with an emptied bank account. Jerry and I cried out to God, not knowing how to rescue the situation, believing God had Sarah’s dreams in His hands, but not seeing how they could be possible.

Tuesday night I went to bed with swollen, weepy eyes. Wednesday morning I got a call from a new friend who asked if she could put a check in the mail in return for some mentoring in her writing. Breathless, I hung up thanking God for His provision. But He wasn’t done.  The mail that day held another unexpected check. Surely I would never worry again in my whole life! (Rrrriiiigggghht . . .)

Buoyed by God’s miraculous provision, Sarah, Jerry, and I were determined to trust God, let go of worry, and enjoy!

The festivities started a week later with the arrival of family and friends. On Wednesday night I watched as David’s sisters ran into each other’s arms and clung to each other, then invited my girl into the circle before then embracing their brother. My heart overflowed at the love bursting between them as I witnessed their reunion. As you can see by the picture taken on the wedding day, Sarah fits right in.

Sisters!

Sisters! Front: Kristina, Sarah, Stephany Back: Jessica

Thursday night, David’s parents treated Jerry and me to a lovely meal while Sarah and David celebrated with their friends and siblings at bachelorette and bachelor parties. We even enjoyed an Italian dessert!

eating out with grundys

(Okay, this blog IS about weight loss. Let me say here and now I chose not even to THINK about food or calories or exercise the week of the wedding! Eating less has become a habit, so I wasn’t completely out of control most of the time. I think that is one of the beauties of seeking to make the weight loss journey about sustainable habits, not drastic measures. And when I eat heavy at one meal, I know I need healthier and lighter choices at the next. The only time I really blew it was with my girlfriends the day after the wedding. I ate a whole calzone and paid for it the rest of the night with a massive tummy ache!)

But back to the wedding countdown:

Friday included covering the trees at the venue in twinkle lights and hanging a few of the handmade signs Sarah and her friends made. sign belong

Like so many of the personal touches from friends who made the wedding special, these signs made me think of the young women who designed them, carrying out Sarah’s vision for decorating in the trees, and my heart swelled again.

Friday evening brought the rehearsal. I caught a great shot of David hugging his mom beforehand.

david and his mom

Sarah arrived a little late after rushing back home to freshen up after her day of decorating, but the wait was worth it because she was stunning in purple, as usual. David, too, dashed off to dress up and returned looking quite dapper.

rehearsal sarah and david

That evening we enjoyed a beautiful rehearsal dinner thanks to the groom’s parents, Steve and Ronda. The room was classy in white tablecloths with gorgeous favors of Jellie Bellies in fun, Mexican style goblets, along with flamboyant, floral centerpieces.

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Even my hollow legged boys ate of the fajita buffet until they could hold no more. Joy bubbled everywhere as family and friends celebrated in a room of abundance. Steve and Ronda even invited Jerry’s cousins who we bumped into at the hotel, newly arrived from California!

(I probably shouldn’t admit that my very beautiful daughter was captured on film by her soon to be father-in-law while she knelt on the ground in her lovely purple dress, mouth gaping open, determined to catch the Jelly Belly being flung toward her by her brothers. Thankfully, Steve hasn’t yet shared the picture with me so it can’t appear in this blog. Ha!)

 Saturday started with a a lovely family brunch thanks to my sisters-in-laws. Unfortunately I don’t have pictures, but it was another experience of abundance! Bonnie made her famous banana bread, Anne had several pans of a wonderful egg and sausage dish, and Darlene brought a gorgeous fruit platter. My neighbor, Bernice, Sarah’s honorary grandmother, also contributed her famous fruit salad, Sarah’s favorite.  The food was amazing, but getting to share time with loved ones made it unforgettable.

Saturday afternoon included a pedi and mani for Sarah and me. (Yes, soon after I was barefoot, fancy toenails and all.)

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At the nail salon another God moment happened. Sarah and I had both been hiding away a little money hoping to pay for the other person’s nails. When it came time to pay we were both counting our pennies, trying to treat the other one, when a dear friend paid not only for both of us, but for a manicure for David (sans nail polish, of course), too! Blessing and abundant provision! I sighed a sigh of relief, sure now I had enough $$ for my fancy updo the next morning. Even the little stressors systematically disappeared.

Perfect closure to an amazing day came when Sarah and David asked us to attend church with them in preparation for their big day on Sunday. I once again captured a great shot of them looking very in love.

At church night before

It wasn’t easy to fall asleep that night. Not only was the big day only hours away, but Jerry and I had so much to talk about! I laughed when it was Jerry telling all the stories of wonderful moments as we whispered together in bed after midnight. (Usually I’m the only one talking after midnight!) Finally, after a bit of red wine, we settled enough to embrace a short night, only guessing of the surprises the Lord had in store for the big day.

This post is really about God’s faithfulness and us losing the emotional weight of worry. Worry weighs us down–and for many of us is a trigger to eat. But worry does us no good. Scripture even tells us that we shouldn’t worry about tomorrow because our worrying can’t fix anything!

I’ve not yet won the worry war, but the wedding did include walking as victor in several worry battles. I’ve found the best antidote for worry is to pour my heart out to God.  He always hears. In our special wedding week He acted decisively, reaching down, blessing, relieving stress, and providing in big and small ways for Sarah and David’s special day–which I’ll finally share about tomorrow!

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Miraculous provision and dreams coming true

Dropping worry weight

God’s Fairytale

Let’s just say when God writes the fairy tale, it’s better than you can dream up on your own.

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Penned and painted by Sarah’s friends, this wedding sign says it all.

When David and Sarah got engaged almost a year ago, I began praying for the ability to give Sarah her dream wedding. We put a little nest egg away, but soon realized the sum was nowhere near enough. One step at a time God provided, mostly through the love and skill of others and the hard work of our daughter.

There were moments of intense stress. When a big event happens largely due to other people volunteering, you can’t be a drill Sargent. Things often came together slowly, and some fell through. During one of “those” moments, I complained to God, wishing I had more money and didn’t have to feel so helpless, so dependent on others.

I felt rather than heard His whisper, “Don’t you see what I’m doing? I’m bringing the community together to love Sarah. It’s better this way.”

I was to discover the truth of His words. Gift after gift was showered upon us giving Sarah much more than we ever could have on our own. When the big event occurred, touches of love were everywhere, reminders of dear friends each time we glimpsed the results of their labor. Such joy was much deeper than if the beauty had been created by simply throwing money at it.

Thanks to the Lord and the love of His people, Jerry and I can truly say our girl got her dreams.

I write about my BENew weight loss journey, but weight loss isn’t always physical. Sometimes we have weight that needs to go in the form of false perceptions about God, about ourselves, and about life. My husband Jerry and I are dropping pounds from a poverty mindset.

Somehow in our pursuit of God we grabbed hold of some ideas about Him that are not true. We equated holiness with little and lack. With finding good deals and not spending money.

Poverty has its place. It can lead a heart toward God as a dependence on Him is fostered through struggle. Sometimes God calls people–like Mother Teresa–to a lifestyle of poverty for a greater purpose. But doing without is not always a road to holiness or even His plan for us. Sometimes He wants us to have what we want, not just the best deal.

Jerry and I too often missed the joy and celebration parts of God’s character. While He is a God of sacrifice, He is also the Extravagant One who paints a double rainbow, designs a fuchsia flower, and puts a dollop of whipped cream on the top of mountain peaks.

joyHe is the Jesus who turned the water into wine at a friend’s wedding.

Our Lord delights in giving us good gifts and in our celebration of what He has given–like the gift of love He gave our daughter, Sarah, and our son-in-law, David, and the way we celebrated that on their wedding day.

I received an email from a friend as I fought not to freak out about wedding details. She said, “I was praying/journaling for you tonight . . . I saw this . . . open wedding with a semi-covered patio with the wood slats as the roof. Everything was beautiful for the wedding, enough ribbon, food, wine, and stamina. God will meet every need you have for this wedding, the spoken and unspoken desires of the heart. I saw that everyone was soooo happy. It is going to be a great day, take joy, my friend.”

It all came true.

When Sarah got engaged she and I each tattooed the word “delight” on a foot as a reminder that God pedi manidelights in us, and we delight in each other and in Him. This circle of delight shimmers in droplets of blessings. I’ve experienced such a thing many times, but perhaps this wedding reveals a shower of blessings unlike any other I’ve ever danced in. Sarah, too.

Please indulge me the next few days as I write about a different Benew journey–one where Jerry and I drop the weight of small expectations and grow healthier, embracing the abundance of beauty and celebration. Join us as we celebrate the union of Mr. and Mrs. David Grundy.

(A shout out to Marie at Fat Girls Slim whose blog about her son’s wedding inspired me to start writing our wedding story!)

Invite your friends to the celebration:

Dancing in droplets of Blessing!

Embracing Abundance, Losing the weight of lack

God’s fairy tales are the best!

Oh Yeah. That. (Day 86)

I should have known.

One thing I haven’t yet talked about on this blog is the effect of the monthly cycle on the weight loss journey. In last week’s entries I complained about emotional cravings. I was surprised they were so strong after having much reduced cravings on the BENew system. Last night I suddenly felt all bloated and icky and, well, if you’re female you know what came next.

I hadn’t had a cycle in a long time. Had hoped I was crossing that line through perimenopause to the other side of glorious freedom.

I guess not yet.

But the point is that PMSing affects how we deal with our food. As a young woman it meant a coke and fries every time. I can still hear my new husband’s voice early in our marriage, patiently explaining that adding caffeine and fat into my diet only made PMS worse. He talked me into a good calcium supplement and got me to a chiropractor and things settled down. But the craving for foods higher in fat content during PMS days has never gone away.

The good news is that even though I had a super rough start to my day after lying awake half the night, I scheduled a phone call with one of my best friends (who lives WAY too far away!) during my walk. The trek stretched to 5.28 miles before I decided I needed to turn off my tracking app and sit down for the rest of our conversation—which was a glorious two hours.

My friend and I do this every month or so, and it was super encouraging when she noted that I hadn’t huffed and puffed this time. She said she couldn’t even tell I was walking while I talked with her.

I dreamed last night that I was running. Not just the block or two I run periodically on my walks, but for a mile, then two, and I wasn’t even winded.

I mentioned in an earlier post that my husband and I are rebuilding after the parent company of his business canceled the products, leaving us without an income. We’re excited about what is happening in his life and our family now that he works for Life Force International, and we’re building toward a more secure financial future.

Meanwhile, we have lots of mouths to feed, and I’m becoming quite the gleaner, trying to eat healthier while blueberries to freezestill being very frugal. My friend, Niki Nowell, helps. She and her husband have a ministry to the homeless and are a hub for resources for them and for lots of others who struggle. She came across a bunch of blueberries the grocery store didn’t want to pick through . . . they were starting to turn, some of them no longer usable, but about half of each little 6 oz carton still was.

 

My friend sent me home from her house with two flats. I spent a couple of hours tonight sorting through the blueberries, keeping the good ones and tossing the bad. Then I froze them in 1 cup servings to go into my BEFull shake. I feel so blessed to find ways to eat healthy and enjoy the good blueberries frozenfood. I now have 14 cups of blueberries neatly stored in my freezer—and they cost me nothing but a little elbow grease.

~January 17, 2013

 

Real Time Update:

Still trying to get reorganized at our house! On Monday we finished up the last bit of painting in my son’s new bedroom, and now we’re trying to find a new home for everything that’s been piled in the living room and den for that last week. I’m hoping that I burned a lot of calories in the 8 days of decluttering, boxing stuff up, and painting we did because there was no time for exercise or even rest!

We did take Easter Sunday off of this major project. Jerry and I went out to breakfast, then met the kids at church. Back home we rested, walked a couple of leisurely miles, and sought to recuperate! I read a fun little inspirational novel called, “Sandwich with a Side of Romance.” It was the perfect way to unwind. Monday morning the amazing Jen came over to  finish up the final touch-ups on the painting. We’re almost there. It’s weird how this losing the junk in our home feels connected to losing the pounds off my body.

How About You?

What healthy foods do you delight in? What ways are you losing weight besides pounds off your body?

Bursting with Promise (Day 85)

white bark blue skyAfter day after day of frigid weather, it was 32 degrees when I awoke and checked the temperature. My spirits lifted at the thought of walking in sunshine and fresh air.

Here’s what I posted to Facebook when I returned home after three miles of walking, singing, praying, and just ENJOYING being out there:

Wonderful, glorious day. First I shed my gloves, then my scarf, and finally my coat. Couldn’t help but start singin’, too. Praising God for the snow-topped mountains, the abundant blue sky, the warm sunshine, and the smiles of those I passed.

THEN hubby decided he was strong enough to walk a short ways, despite his back issue. So I got another 20 minutes in the sunshine, this time with my lover, and burned 131 calories.

So . . .  I’m making one of my favorite dinners tonight even though the calorie count is a little higher. I can afford it because I walked roughly four miles total. The meal is still pretty healthy—chicken breasts in a wonderful garlic sauce . . . and I’ll have my salad instead of a whole bunch of pasta. Off to make dinner ya’ll . . . until next time!                                                                                                                     ~ January 16, 2013

Real Time Update:

It’s been a crazy week at the Moldenhauer’s. After 20 years of neglect, we totally decluttered our shared office and moved it upstairs into a gorgeous, freshly painted room. we’ve done a lot of shedding of weight in so many areas of our life! I’m down a steady 40 pounds now. Our home lost many more pounds in old files, old books, and stuff that is no longer needed. But as freeing as the increased space and decreased clutter is the emotional freedom that comes from letting go. Gone are files from old jobs, old dreams, our old life. I found a card in the midst of the decluttering:

The past, dissolving in the mist of time

Our future, ready for birth,

This moment, bright with promise,

Is yours and mine.