Tag Archives: middle weight loss journey

Emotional Eating and Snuggy Blankies – Day 80

Am I an emotional eater after all?

My struggle with cravings and eating for emotional support have seemed less than many of my friends talk about. But today I am seeking comfort, and I found myself wishing I could think of something to eat that would give it.

I just returned home from the latest specialist to try to find a reason for the icky feeling I so often get in my head. Some of my tests were abnormal. I feel pretty off-kilter. I’m validated to finally have someone find a REASON for what I have been describing and trying to heal for six months.

But the unknown is scary.

Next week will be another consultation.

I walked home from the doctor’s office. It was only about 2 and a half miles from here, all our cars were in use by the many drivers at our house, and I thought it would be a good way to get my exercise in. The walk was fine except that I was sort-of upside down inside of me. Jerry was teaching, and I couldn’t interrupt his class, so I called my brother. It was good to have company as I walked home. I didn’t want to be alone.

But it’s 32 degrees out there, and I’m still cold an hour later. I wanted something warm and salty, so I ate basically healthy, but skipped my usual lunch—my BeFull shake with fruit. One cup of brown rice and 3 oz of London broil later (349 calories), I feel full, but not satisfied. I can’t bring myself to grab a salad or fruit.

I don’t feel hungry; I just feel empty.

So far I’ve resisted the urge for something hot and cheesy or buttery. (Funny, chocolate doesn’t even sound good. Huh. I think I used to reach for it when I felt empty. I think the nutrition of BeNew has decreased sugar cravings.)

snuggy blanket

My favorite blankie atop my favorite chair, the old blue recliner

I suppose I’m ignoring the empty by writing this journal entry. But I still feel sad, a little scared, and a whole lot of tired of my brain/head not functioning normally.

The cravings persist. I could make myself popcorn or pizza or something creamy, like homemade mac and cheese, but I don’t want to rush there. I’m processing why I would think food would make this better. I don’t want to fill the empty with crap. I want to fill it with Good.

I want Him to comfort me.

So I’ll grab a warm blanket and rest awhile. One of my best friends told me to remember my 3 R’s – Rest, Recuperate, and Rely on Jesus.

Funny, Rigatoni with cheese sauce wasn’t anywhere on the list . . .                                ~ January 11, 2013

Real Time Update:

I still don’t know what’s up with my head. A week ago I would have told you the symptoms were 75% gone, but the last several days they have been back with a vengeance. I used to be able to connect the worse times to computer work, but now I’m connecting the symptoms to fatigue. If I push with a full schedule as I used to before the accidents, they return. I’m trying to look to these symptoms as a reminder to keep balance and rest in my life, but I’m not always successful.

As far as emotional eating goes, the battle continues, especially in the harder days, like a few weeks ago when Jerry had surgery. This morning I read a quote by Graham Cooke that said, “Fullness is our destiny; but emptiness is our crutch.” I’m still processing what he meant by that, but as the above post shows, I’m pretty sure it has nothing to do with filling up on cheese sauce and everything to do with the fullness of God offered to me.

What About You?

I’d love to hear your emotional eating stories or advice! We’re in this together, my friends!

Muddling in the Middle (Days 75 & 76)

uphill climg

Photo by Stephen Moldenhauer

As the journal entries below show, the newness of the joy of weight loss wore off about half-way there. Suddenly the climb seemed a little steeper.

I’ve had some frustration, a little muddling around about half-way to my weight loss goals. The good news is this is pretty normal–AND I DID lose more weight! And just as important, I continue to learn about life, about me, about God.

January 6, 2013

Life with a weight loss goal is up and down. I wrote about joy a few days ago. I’ve had more peace and joy in the last few weeks than in a long time. I also had a lot of affirmation the last few weeks as people started noticing my new size. Super fun!But today . . . I’m frustrated. I’m more often hungry again—and fighting more cravings. I don’t know if my metabolism has sped up due to consistent exercise and that makes me hungrier, or if holiday foods were less healthy, and it messed with everything. But I’m not craving sweets. It’s cheese. Gooey and piled on. I had a little cheese on a small potato with ground turkey and salsa for lunch. Thought it would be wise to have a little of what I craved rather than ignore the desire and then binge.

Still, it’s weird to suddenly fight the process again. I was mostly at peace with it for so long.

I am on BEPure this week. Maybe I’m going through another emotional purge. The last cleanse didn’t bother me, but I’ve been weepy over all kinds of stuff today, especially over my on-going head symptoms and inability to concentrate for long periods of time. I’m entering month six without diagnosis or complete healing . . .

On the positive side I know I’m smaller ‘cause I just had to take off my ring to type. It kept rolling around too much . . .

January 7, 2013

They say the first weight off is easier than the last weight. It is coming off slower for me, now, despite the fact that I’m eating healthier and exercising consistently. This morning I worked for a while on writing stuff, like this blog. My head symptoms that began over six months ago flared, but I pushed through for a while. By the time I quit they were going pretty crazy.

Frustrated.

  • That the scale isn’t dropping very quickly.
  • That no one can tell me why my head gets weird.
  • That I’m still having symptoms associated with a car wreck that happened last June.
  • That money is tight
  • That hubby’s computer crashed again and . . .

So I went walking. The first half mile or so all I did was grumble to God. At a mile and a half I took a break, popped into my favorite coffee shop, asked for water, and went to the bathroom. Then I circled the nearby school.

I prayed about hope, standing strong, looking to God for answers. As I prayed for the school, I realized I also prayed for me, for our family, for our whole neighborhood. By the time I’d circled a few times, pouring out my heart, I felt better. I walked past the abandoned strip mall, praying for good things to come there—asking again if it might be a church. Then I walked to the high school, surprised by a nature path I didn’t know about. It was beautiful!

This walking thing isn’t just about losing pounds; it’s about losing bad attitudes, finding faith, believing in hope. Seeking the Son in His sunshine.

Walked close to 5 miles.

I’m home now, enjoying a cup of tea and a homemade persimmon cookie that I don’t feel guilty about. Yes, there’s a little sugar, but there is also a lot of healthy ingredients in it.

And I’ll have plenty of extra calories today!

How About You?

Anybody else find a new round of struggle about half way to your goal?