Tag Archives: not giving up

Spirit Seeker Sunday 8

Spirit 12 stephen

Let His Spirit move you like water in a stream. Fresh. Flowing. Bubbling. (Photo by Stephen Moldenhauer)

“I am made to live the reality of God’s promises.”

Wow, Lysa, do you have to step on my toes every time? 

Such were my thoughts as I read through Day 9 of the Made to Crave Devotional. It was a few months ago, but I thought I’d share my reaction. You might relate to what I wrote then:

Here’s the honest truth. I’m struggling today. Fighting to focus on God’s promises, to believe His heart for me in the midst of disappointments and stresses. And somehow that all snowballs into not wanting to care about my eating choices. I did a lot of compromises today–eating without being mindful. Eating because I was in a bad mood instead of because I slowed down, thought it through, and chose what to eat.

What’s bugging me as I read today’s devotional is how hard my heart can be even as I read one of my favorite verses, “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that you may have life, and have it to the full.” (John 10:10).

Oh, Lord! You have given me blessing upon blessing. You have cared for me, showered me with your love, met my needs time and time again. Yet I so quickly let my heart harden, throw my little temper tantrums when things don’t go the way I want, and forget that abundance is from you. I forget all that destroys is not of your hand at all. Forgive me for my lack of faith, for listening to the lies of the enemy, for neglecting instead of embracing all the abundant, life-giving facets of my relationship with you. Come! Fill me with your hope! Take the blinders off my eyes so that I can see the abundance and have life and live it to the full!

Jesus, help me to live in the reality of your promises, not the weakness of compromise.

As I process where I was a few months ago, a couple of thoughts come to mind. The first is how my weakness in compromising, my decision to eat mindlessly to fill emotional pain, is of itself a tool of the one who destroys.

How twisted is that? I reach for food because I’m not looking to the Giver of Good Gift. As I fill my body with what it doesn’t need, my emotions don’t get a bit better. But I play right into the destruction of my goals and of the abundant life God wants to give me by leading me to a physically and emotionally healthier place.

The second thought that comes to mind is how even after days like the one I described, there is victory. Turning to Jesus, one day at a time. Choosing not to let a bad day or two stretch into a bad month or two. Reaching for God’s hand up each time I fall, forgiving myself, and getting back on the road to victory. That’s something easier to see as I write this post now in June. The victory is in my physical health, my new clothes size, and on the scale.

I think it’s in my heart, my mind, and my spirit, too. I think I’m learning to look to God, not food. To press on in hardship. To stand a little taller in my identity as one He loves.

I still trip up sometimes. I probably always will. But the new behavior is becoming more natural and so I choose the path forward one step at a time.

How about you?

What does living in the promises verses the compromises mean in every day life and in weight loss?

Are you intentional about looking to Jesus instead of food to fill those empty places?

Can you forgive yourself when you blow it, reach for God’s hand, and get back on the path to healing?


What does it look like to live in the reality of promise, not compromise?


Weight Loss Journey Day 33

I love fitting exercise into every day responsibilities! I took Sam to physical therapy and rode the stationary bike there again! Later I took him to the rec center so he could walk the pool and build strength back into the hip where he had surgery. I swam while he walked. We’re both getting stronger.

Part of the reason I took Sam to the rec center was my own need to get out of the house and exercise. I tried to type for an extended time on the computer today and had another bad episode with my head. Every time I think I am normal, something like this happens, and I realize I am still not completely healed from the car accident.

Talk about angry and frustrated!

I felt better after swimming laps at the pool. Exercise may have started to deal with weight loss, but I’m learning it also deals with my fight against discouragement.

Real Time Update:

Real life hits hard sometimes. Last Thursday (January 2013) was particularly rough as my doctor told me he believed I would never get an accurate diagnosis for whatever weird thing is wrong in my head. He said I need to learn to live in my new normal, and thinks it likely I will never heal beyond where I am now.

That day got even better when the car insurance guy called and grilled me–treating me like I was doing something wrong by seeing doctors and trying to heal. I got all flustered. My words came out wrong as I felt vulnerable and unprotected as he attacked.

It was a rough day and night, but I put out the word I needed prayer. I got my cry–several of them, actually–over with.  The temptation to cash out was great. To give up on the things I’ve been doing for my healing, like eating right, exercising, and losing weight. I threatened to quit writing. (Which I think would be a little like not breathing for me). Jerry held me. He and my friends prayed. Somehow I got through the bad dreams and insomnia of that night.

And then I kept on.

The next morning I went on a good long walk and let God whisper that He was still there. And then . . . I ran almost a mile! The hurt and anger and fear melted a little as my feet pounded the pavement, and I felt God in nature, in my thoughts, in the sunshine.

Paula modeling at BENew celebration

Paula modeling at the BENew Celebration in Denver, January 25, 2013

And that night I modeled at a BeNew celebration, hoping to inspire others to begin the journey to a new, healthier self.

And I hoped again.

What about You?

During this painful time I experienced cravings for comfort food–it was the first time in forever that I almost mindlessly bought a candy bar just to fill the emotional darkness. But I didn’t. And getting outside and moving did me much more good than that candy bar ever would have. What are you tempted to reach for when life hurts? What is a better choice that helps you?