Bought raspberries yesterday (thanks to a great deal at the discount food place where I go) to add to my meal replacement shake. What a treat! I don’t feel as overwhelmed as I did yesterday. I’ve decided to try to cut 500-800 calories a day instead of being legalistic about the 1200 calories suggested to the BETA group. I want to honor what they are asking of me, but I also want to approach this in a way that is sustainable for me. Just that 300 calorie freedom makes me feel more in control. I’m probably used to more than 2,000 a day, so I think cutting to 1200 a day is a little drastic. Maybe as I adjust I can be at 1200 calories more consistently. I want this to be long term change for me, not a fad diet, so I’m trying to make incremental lifestyle change that connects to our family system.
I’m using some of the recipes offered, but not following the meal plan exactly. Cooking for 3 teenage boys is already a trick in my schedule and for our resources, so I’m going to be healthy and wise, cut portions, but not live someone else’s plan. I hope I’m not being rebellious. I don’t mean to be. I just want to fit this change into the design of our family so I can maintain it. And of course there’s the issue of my not being a vegetable lover and many of their recipes pushing past my tolerance level on that.
Today was REALLY good. I had energy and didn’t miss my coffee. We went out to eat to celebrate Samuel’s return from the hospital. I found I could be satisfied eating half the portion offered me. Jerry and I shared a plate, saving $$ and calories! And salad tasted a little better than normal. I’ve spent my life not wanting to waste tummy space on something I dislike as much as salad. But maybe knowing a small salad has only 15 calories made it more attractive—or the fact that eating less of the other stuff left room for it. At any rate, it is an incremental change, this effort to add in this healthy choice and back away from more of the heavier food.
At 10 p.m. it was BEAUTIFUL outside. The first snow off the season danced in the lamplights, and I begged Jerry to take a walk with me. He’s a good guy and couldn’t resist the begging in my eyes. We walked the nature trail holding hands, laughing at my child-like effort to catch snowflakes on my tongue, acting like we were teenagers instead of hitting the other side of middle age. Crossing the little snow-covered bridge by our house was almost fairy-tale like.
Fabulous. I couldn’t believe I had the energy!