It happened years ago, so poignant I remember where I was driving–turning east, a corner from my house when it hit me.
He loves me.
And it is enough.
Oh sure, there have been times it doesn’t feel like enough. Times I’ve stomped my childish size eleven and questioned. Times I’ve looked elsewhere for affirmation.
But this new paradigm, that HIS love was enough to survive–even thrive–on this planet, stayed with me. It carried me. Healed me.
And yet here I sit, years later, blogging about it to remind myself.
I need this truth.
A few nights ago, determined to get words onto a screen I typed a vulnerable post about my struggle to write. A friend’s comment grounded me, and I remembered my Audience of One.
Then Paul said, “You are not simply a writer. Not simply a mother. Not simply anything. Not even simply Paula. You are a unique, complex, multi-layered loved and loving individual. You need do nothing to carry on being that unique treasure. You are that unique treasure. You are surrounded by love . . . Always. When the writing flow flows, then the writing flow flows. You will always be you. You are always you.”
The first time I read over his words I didn’t get it. So I prayed. Read again more slowly. Asked God what tugged at my heart.
It was love.
Yes, much of my struggle to write has simply been empty nest grief and transitions. It was okay to give myself some space as I worked into this new season of my life. But beneath all that something else sneaked in, hampering my forward momentum.
Now that the schedule is opening so I can more fully pursue my dreams, the pressure has been subtly building, the pressure that said I must perform. And how.
When I NEED to perform, fear slips in that I can’t. Memories of disappointment and rejection hint at failure.
Paul’s words reminded me that I am me. Whether or not I write. Whether or not I perform. None of that affects the core.
Because of Love.
I am loved by the King of the universe.
Nothing can take that away.
Nothing can separate me from His love.
It is enough.
And strangely enough knowing this sets me free to be productive.
It’s a grand paradox. Letting go of the need to perform, stepping back onto the bedrock of love, I am secure enough that I embrace the desire to perform again. It is no longer threatening because it does not define me.
I am defined by love.
Love is my bedrock.
How about you? What defines you? Where is your bedrock?
Until next time,
Do you think anyone is going to be able to drive a wedge between us and Christ’s love for us? There is no way! Not trouble, not hard times, not hatred, not hunger, not homelessness, not bullying threats, not backstabbing, not even the worst sins listed in Scripture:
They kill us in cold blood because they hate you.
We’re sitting ducks; they pick us off one by one.
None of this fazes us because Jesus loves us. I’m absolutely convinced that nothing—nothing living or dead, angelic or demonic, today or tomorrow, high or low, thinkable or unthinkable—absolutely nothing can get between us and God’s love because of the way that Jesus our Master has embraced us. (Romans 8, The Message)
Tagged: God, healing from the pressure to perform, love, overcoming writer's block, Paula Moldenhauer, pressure, stress, the writing journey
Paula's Blog 
Reblogged this on The love of God and commented:
A word of wisdom: “None of this fazes us because Jesus loves us. I’m absolutely convinced that nothing—nothing living or dead, angelic or demonic, today or tomorrow, high or low, thinkable or unthinkable—absolutely nothing can get between us and God’s love because of the way that Jesus our Master has embraced us. (Romans 8, The Message)”
Wow! Thank you for the reblog. And praise God!
I will keep this in my heart. Being me and being loved by him is enough and you know what Paula? It is enough. There was so much passion and honesty flowing out of this post. I will have to read it again. Hang on to love from him,it is true love it will always sustain us.
Much love Tom
Tom, I thought it as cool when I was writing this that I took a break and visited your blog and you were talking about the sustaining love of God on yours!
Paula, thank you for your post. I relate so thoroughly with it, as a writer, as an empty nesters, as a Christian woman wondering “now what I’m I supposed to do with myself?”. I too have felt that pressure to perform and I have to step back, take a breath and realize what I am doing and where I am now is where God has me and he is accomplishing things through my witness for Him that I am probably unaware of (hopefully). Another thing he says to me quite often is “you are accepted in the beloved.” He has tossed this precious life preserver from Ephesians 1:6 to me many times. It is comforting to find there are others working through similar challenges. Somehow it encourages me. Thank you.
What a precious comment, Sherry. Thank you. I love that. “you are accepted in the beloved.” Beautiful. May God give us both the grace to transition well to whatever is coming next, to be patient with the process, and to move in His rhythm instead of our own . . .